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Understanding guilt – Its purpose and power and THE ONE panacea

The part guilt plays in our relationship with God and with others can be perplexing. We know we’re forgiven as Christians and loved children of God, so why do we still feel guilty? We put this and some other curly questions about guilt and shame to Noel Due and asked for his insights.

Why do people have feelings of guilt?

Simply because they have a conscience. That conscience is schooled by upbringing, peers, social norms and other factors. It registers when we have transgressed. That’s not to say a conscience is reliable. It’s not. It needs to find a law to align itself to. The things to which it aligns itself may be a long way from the truth of who God is. And when we transgress, it acts as judge, jury and executioner.

How do feelings of guilt differ from shame?

Guilt is related to transgressions: I have done a wrong thing. Shame is related to our identity: I am a wrong thing. Guilt and shame may work in tandem, but shame always carries the feeling of how you appear in the eyes of another. It always leads you to believe you are not enough. Not just that you have not done enough or done too much of the wrong thing (guilty feelings); but that you are not enough.

Why do forgiven Christians, who know they are forgiven and saved by grace alone through faith feel guilty?

Because our consciences are still at work. Often, they are misaligned too. They can be aligned to all sorts of pietistic and religious attitudes and actions, which carry with them ‘should’, ‘ought’ and ‘must’ type words. In addition, your conscience – being as much a part of fallen humanity as the rest of you – will constantly need to be renewed by hearing the gospel. It’s never a once-off thing. The amazing thing about grace is that it is always amazing. If we’re not amazed, it is because we may not be hearing the gospel, or because our consciences are so deeply bound by the ‘should’, ‘ought’ and ‘must’ vocabulary of church life that it has built up like wax in our spiritual ears.

What is the difference between a shame-based culture and a guilt-based culture?

That’s not easy, as both cultures operate with shame and guilt as real experiences; but they are often expressed differently. In shame-based cultures, the fear of being put to shame (losing face) acts as a powerful social conditioning factor. It relates to the way one is viewed by the group, and therefore the status and acceptability (or not) of that group. In the West, shame-based action (being put to shame on the one hand or presenting a face so that we maintain group acceptability) is increasingly evident through social media; and the associated ‘cancel culture’ or ‘defriending’ actions that cause so much pain.

Can feelings of guilt ever be a useful, productive, or positive thing in terms of our lives, our faith, and our relationships with God and others?

While the conscience is not the inner voice of God, God can awaken the conscience so that we begin to hear him through that means. The Spirit comes to convict of sin, righteousness and judgement. He uses the Law to do that and under the weight of that conviction, our consciences become deeply troubled. We cannot put things right and so find grace in the love of God. Luther’s experience of that arc from the conviction of sin to the experience of God’s grace was the spark for the Reformation. But if preachers or well-meaning Christians use guilt as a motivator it destroys relationships. It produces the deeds of the flesh, not the fruit of the Spirit.

Can guilt damage our relationship with God?

Yes, especially if we feel that God can never forgive us. So, we continually try to go up the down staircase. Instead of seeing that God has come to us, we are constantly trying to get to him; imagining that he has high expectations of us and that we must keep trying harder to please him. We become like the elder brother in the story of the prodigal son; or we look down our noses with contempt at others, like the Pharisee in Luke 18.

Can guilt damage our relationships with others? What can we do in such cases?

Nothing but the love of God can free us to forgive and confess our failures to others. Guilt only leads to more and more self-justifying behaviour, chief of which is being critical of others in the very areas in which we feel most guilty. Shame likewise corrodes relationships, because it feeds envy, jealousy and the need to constantly be proving to others that we are enough. But where there is true forgiveness, there is no ground to defend. That means we can be both authentic and vulnerable because we all stand in the same place at the foot of the cross.

What is false guilt? How does false guilt harm us?

False guilt is feeling guilty when you don’t need to feel guilty. It is one of the great weapons of manipulative people, conmen and dictators. False guilt is feeling you must take responsibility for something that is not your responsibility. It is often more linked to the insecurity that arises from shame, but emotionally it feels like a burden of guilt.

I know God has taken the burden of my sin, and I have confessed my sin to him, but I am still weighed down by feelings of guilt. How can I be free from such a burden?

In part, this is the battle of life on this side of heaven. We are yet to fully realise what we have been remade as in baptism. We are a new creation in Christ, but every day the world, the flesh and the devil tell us otherwise. The battle of faith is to believe that God’s promises are true all the time. Luther once said something like this: ‘the Law says, “do this”, but it is never done. Grace says, “believe this because all is already done”.’ We are not alone.

Rev Dr Noel Due is pastor of Northern Territory’s Top End Lutheran Parish and formerly served the LCANZ as Pastor for New and Renewing Churches. Among other publications, he is the author or co-author of New Life New Love, Live in Liberty: The Spiritual Message of Galatians and Spirit Filled: Normal Christian Living.

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Shame, guilt, regret and the path to repentance

Why do we feel guilt, shame and regret? We asked Lutheran psychologist Dr Michael Proeve, whose research interests include shame, guilt and remorse, to unpack what these emotions teach us and what their relationship is to repentance for us as Christians.

The Greek theological term ‘Metanoia’ is often defined as ‘a transformative change of heart’. It is the turning again or change in mind and change in living that in Christianity we commonly call repentance.

And if we are to live repentance and articulate our experience of it, we may do this through the language of emotion. For, as creatures of flesh and bone as well as spirit, we are used to speaking our experience through those fusions of thought, feeling, physiological response and interpersonal action that ebb and flow and recur in our lives, which we call emotions. I want to focus on three emotions that I believe feature when we work through repentance: regret, guilt and shame.

The idea of looking backwards seems contrary to one of our current cultural imperatives of ‘moving forward’ but looking backwards is what regret entails. The Frank Sinatra song My Way talks of having had ‘… a few [regrets], but then again, too few to mention …’. However, I suspect people who endorse this view either have extraordinary foresight or more likely are not paying attention to the consequences of what they do. The rest of us have regrets.

Psychological interest in regret has been developing since the 1990s and the value of regret is recognised in business-oriented self-help literature. Put simply, we experience regret when we wish that things were other than they are. This is broad, in that we may regret the situations and behaviour of others, but I want to focus particularly on regret as it applies to ourselves when we wish that we could turn back time, and start the day, month or even years again. Regret for actions and opportunities we did not take may preoccupy and weigh very heavily on us, but our behaviour is often a painful source of regret and need for repentance. When we regret, we think of mistakes we made, that we should have known better, and we want a second chance.

Though regret may bite and ache, it offers us the motivation to look at how we might do things differently and make the changes that we can, if we should be given a second chance. We can feel regret because of what we have suffered, but we may also regret what we do because it has hurt others, and this is where regret links to guilt.

Guilt is known as a self-conscious emotion in that we evaluate ourselves against standards and rules. When we feel guilty, we judge our behaviour negatively against the rules and standards we hold for ourselves, particularly about behaviour towards others, and we feel responsible. We want to apologise, repair matters, and remind ourselves to live by the values we hold. Recent psychological thinking sees guilt as generally a good thing, as people who feel guilty tend to be empathetic towards other people, understand their perspectives, and they want to repair their relationships with others.

However, there are times when guilt is not so helpful to us or others. For example, sometimes people take too much responsibility for what happened in circumstances where others would not judge them so harshly.

When we feel guilty, it can be good to ask what we are truly able to control and be responsible for, as we cannot necessarily control all circumstances and we cannot control what other people do. We can then repair what we can repair, reach out to other people whom we have hurt and be more conscious of living according to the values we hold.

The emotion of shame, however, is a mixed blessing. Shame is a very painful emotion, which involves judging our whole self as inferior or bad, and perceiving that other people see us that way too.

Some scholars hold that shame serves a valuable function, as shame tells us that we are in danger of being rejected by others. It may therefore impel us to change our behaviour or to repair what we have done. However, this may happen only to the extent that we believe that we can repair what we have done.

Also, people commonly feel shame not because of their behaviour, but because of their appearance or because of things done to them. In these circumstances, shame results from events or aspects of ourselves for which we are not responsible and which we cannot necessarily repair.

As well, whether shame results from our behaviour or not, we can respond to shame in unhelpful ways. People may cope with shame by turning it outwards, being angry and blaming others. Or we may cope with shame by isolating ourselves and hiding from others. So, shame can result in responses of attack or paralysis, neither of which benefits others or ourselves.

The way out of shame is often by means of the opposite of shame, which is compassion. When others treat us with compassion and accept us for who we are, and we learn to do the same towards ourselves, shame can decrease. If shame comes from what we have done, we may then transform shame into guilt, take appropriate responsibility, and return to our values.

There are few more striking descriptions of guilt and shame than King David’s outpouring in Psalm 51, his prayer of repentance. For Christians, as for David, God is the compassionate ‘Other’ to whom we may bring our shame, guilt and regrets, to be restored, renewed and compassionate towards ourselves. In turn, when we can be compassionate towards others, their shame may be lessened, they can feel appropriate guilt, and they may be renewed and may renew their relationships.

A clinical and forensic psychologist, Dr Michael Proeve is an academic at The University of Adelaide. He is co-author or co-editor of the books Remorse: Psychological and Jurisprudential Perspectives, and Remorse and Criminal Justice: Multidisciplinary Perspectives. He has had a long involvement with the Lutheran Church as a congregant and member of church committees.

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Reconciled to God

by Rev Dedi Pardosi

When the Bible mentions ‘guilt’, it almost always refers to theological guilt, namely the guilt that arises as a result of violating God’s law. Some Bible scholars say the Bible never separates guilt from sin.

It is very important for Christians to know that the Bible does not emphasise guilty feelings – which are often subjective and may be unfounded – but rather addresses the guilt of sin. Therefore, Christians must be careful not to try to create guilty feelings as a tool to make it easier to change and motivate someone. Guilty feelings should only exist as a normal reaction to our awareness of the reality of sin. For this reason, Christians must be able to distinguish between ‘constructive sorrow’ and ‘worldly sorrow’.

Constructive sorrow or positive grief is a term used by theologian, psychologist and author S Bruce Narramore in his research article ‘Guilt: Christian Motivation or Neurotic Masochism’, which appeared in the Journal of Psychology and Theology in June 1974 and is based on 2 Corinthians 7:8–10. In this passage, the apostle Paul distinguishes between worldly sorrow, which is roughly equivalent to simply subjective guilt feelings and constructive sorrow, which is positive and results in a constructive change in attitude to life.

An example of these two contrasting emotional states could come from a driver who hits a person with his or her car. The driver could experience worldly sorrow, by which he or she may feel guilty, curse themselves and forever refuse to take the wheel and drive again. In this case, constructive sorrow may also lead to the driver feeling guilty but would also see him or her acknowledging their mistake, being willing to receive the appropriate punishment and, where possible, endeavouring to remedy the harm caused.

Indeed, the world often prefers worldly sorrow, because the world is bound with a lust for revenge so that people are only satisfied when guilty people receive a death sentence. But this reality should not be a reason for us to choose such a guilty way.

A great theme in the Bible is God’s forgiveness. The Lord Jesus came as God’s lamb to take away the sins of the world (John 1:29) so that humans might receive forgiveness and be reconciled to God (Acts 5:30,31; Colossians 1:14; Ephesians 1:7).

The Bible often emphasises that forgiveness from God is concerned with important matters such as repentance (1 John 1:9, Proverbs 28:13) and the forgiveness of our fellow human beings (Matthew 6:12 and 18:21). Without repentance, there is no forgiveness and without a willingness to forgive the faults of others, there is no forgiveness from God.

Indeed, faith is a gift (Ephesians 2:8; Romans 12:3) from the Holy Spirit, not a virtue of our own standing or works (John 3:3). Without the Holy Spirit’s renewal of our whole nature, we are not aware of our sin and the need for God’s forgiveness. Without repentance, there is no forgiveness of sins.

The proof of repentance is a life under the leadership of the Holy Spirit, which produces the fruits of kindness, generosity, patience and peace (Galatians 5:16,22), namely the main elements that mark the event of forgiveness. PH Monsma, in his article entitled ‘Forgiveness’ says: ‘A person who seeks forgiveness but doesn’t forgive others hardly knows what he/she is asking for and is not worthy of it.’

S Bruce Narramore provides a comparison chart between psychological guilt (worldly sorrow) and constructive sorrow, as follows:

  1. The centre of attention in the first instance is self; in the second it is God and our neighbour.
  2. Thoughts on the problem in the case of psychological guilt focus on the mistakes that have been made; while constructive sorrow focuses on the consequences of mistakes that have been made and corrective steps to be taken.
  3. The motivation behind the actions taken contrasts between freeing oneself from guilty feelings and encouraging others to grow, and doing God’s will (love).
  4. Attitudes towards yourself are angry, hateful, and frustrated versus being deeply concerned or contrite, and loving yourself so that try your best.
  5. The outcome or effect of worldly guilt can be temporary external change, withdrawal from responsibilities, failure repeating itself and self-hatred; while with constructive sorrow, the result can be ‘repentance and change based on an attitude of love and respect’.

By looking at the differences above, between psychological guilt and constructive sorrow, it is clear that what humans need is constructive sorrow and yet this is never perfect in a person’s struggle without God being present.

Indeed, humans can seek constructive sorrow, but without repenting and being reconciled to God, this is groundless and has no clear purpose, so it does not guarantee the resolution of the guilt problem.

As writer Johann Ludwig Konrad Allendorf says in the English translation of the hymn ‘Jesus ist kommen’, ‘Jesus has come! Now see bonds rent asunder! Fetters of death now dissolve, disappear, see him burst through with a voice as of thunder! He sets us free from our guilt and our fear, lifts us from shame to the place of his honour. Jesus has come! Hear the roll of God’s thunder!’

The Bible emphasises very clearly the futility of those who do good apart from the gift of salvation in the Lord Jesus Christ (Romans 3:20, 9:32, 11:6; Galatians 2:16; Ephesians 2:9; 2 Timothy 1:9; Titus 3:5).

Rev Dedi Pardosi is a pastor of Indonesia’s HKBP (Huria Kristen Batak Protestan) church and Director of the National Committee Lutheran World Federation Indonesia (KN-LWF). Previous to taking on this role early in 2022, he was working with the same body’s Luther Study Centre.

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PNG evangelist carries on 50-year mission

by Matt Anker

In the 1970s seven men from the Morobe province in Papua New Guinea (PNG) left their homes to take up government positions in Vanimo, the capital of the northernmost province of PNG, West Sepik, which is now known as Sanduan Province. In addition to their shared cultural heritage, these men – like most Morobeans – were Lutherans. By contrast, West Sepik was a place where mission had largely been left to the Roman Catholics.

In their first months in Vanimo, these ‘foreigners’ scaled the mountain overlooking the town every weekend, seeking solace in one another’s company – and in beer. Reflecting back, one of those men recently said: ‘It wasn’t long before we said to each other, “We are Lutherans!” and we turned that weekly drinking party into a prayer group.’

These first Lutherans in Vanimo approached the government for land on that same mountain and built a church, naming it Calvary congregation. It is from this ‘mama’-congregation that the Lutheran mission in West Sepik has grown, as many congregations have been planted throughout the province.

In April I visited our brothers and sisters in PNG. And what a joy it was to hear Bishop Jack Urame of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in PNG (ELC-PNG) share this story. Bishop Jack had just returned to Lae from West Sepik where he had commissioned a young man to serve as an evangelist in the rugged country west of Vanimo, bordering West Papua.

Bishop Jack is excited about the continuing mission to reach people with the good news of forgiveness in Jesus’ name. He says, ‘Many people in the jungle there have never heard about Jesus and even when they have, many have become Lutheran because of our theology’.

Evangelist Bosco Tangi arrived at his commissioning service in the traditional dress of his tribe and, as he was commissioned to carry the good news to the people he serves, his traditional dress was removed, and he was clothed in a white gown with a cross placed around his neck. No longer bound by tribal bonds, he was now ready to serve people of every tribe, language and nation with the good news of our Lord Jesus.

In the ELC-PNG, evangelists like Bosco continue to remain the pillar of the church through their volunteer engagement in the work of God. Since its earliest days in PNG, the church has grown through the work of evangelists. Bosco’s father joyfully offered his son to the church, expressing his gratitude for all the Lord had done for him and his family. Father and son now look forward to seeing how the Lord uses the ELC-PNG’s newest evangelist in reaching people with the comfort and peace that Lutherans have become known for.

From a drinking party to a prayer group, to a sending congregation. Who could’ve imagined what God would do through those seven men who arrived as ‘foreigners’ in Vanimo all those years ago?

Pastor Matt Anker is LCANZ Assistant to the Bishop – International Mission.

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It’s okay to say no

Anna Doecke didn’t recognise she was suffering from burnout until a counsellor pointed it out to her. Since then, she has learned how to set boundaries and treat herself with care and respect.

by Anna Doecke

It was August 2011 when I had a conversation with my counsellor, who identified that what I was experiencing was burnout. ‘Burnout?’, I inquired, having never heard that term – apart from what the local lads used to do in the back paddock near the farm where I grew up.

My counsellor explained that I needed to learn to look after myself. She introduced me to words and concepts such as self-care, date days, being kind to myself, setting boundaries, saying No and asking for what I need.

I was almost 26 at the time and had just moved back to Adelaide after working as a youth worker and chaplain in schools and churches in Adelaide, Melbourne and the Gold Coast for seven years.

As I reflect on my years in ministry, I have many fond memories. They were some of the most formative and fun years of my life. I had great friends and community, but it was a very busy time. There were many factors that led to my burnout. It wasn’t easy being away from home at a young age and I often felt homesick.

I struggled regularly in my work environment, feeling that I was unsupported and isolated and with impossible tasks and expectations piled on me. My immediate pastors and managers were great, and we would often talk through how to make changes, but this rarely resulted in any long-term helpful solutions. I was also studying and caring for my housemate who had mental illness. Life was busy and simply too full.

I was a ‘yes woman’ and this went on for about four years. I and those around me didn’t know about boundaries. I didn’t know how to say No, and didn’t know I needed to say No. I didn’t know what I needed. I didn’t know how to ask for help. It was also in the era where burnout and self-care were only just starting to be talked about – much different from now.

Unfortunately, I didn’t know I was heading towards burnout, or already burnt out. Upon reflection, and through my counselling journey, I have become aware of the signs. These include: losing motivation and excitement for work and life; feeling overwhelmed, and more anxious or worried than normal; struggling to make decisions; having a sense of feeling depressed; lacking empathy; increasing irritability or anger; feeling exhausted; being unproductive at work; experiencing a change in eating and sleeping habits, and suffering from headaches, light-headedness or nausea.

Apart from experiencing some of these signs and symptoms, I was also behaving in ways that were unhelpful, including: saying Yes to everything and everyone, feeling like I couldn’t say No, not taking a lunch break (or any breaks), being out every night of the week, not asking for help, withdrawing from social activities, and people pleasing.

Unpacking my life in therapy really helped me to heal and understand what got me to burnout.

A significant cost I now live with is a reduced capacity for work and life. It’s common that once you experience burnout your capacity changes. A lot of people think they can get back to where and who they were before burnout, but in fact we walk through the recovery to discover a new and better version of ourselves – usually more authentic and ‘real’ than the person before burnout.

I am so grateful for the incredible friends, family, and support people I have in my life. They were vital in my recovery process, and continue to be now. I have learned that by being courageous, and sharing my vulnerably with them helps them to understand me better and know how to support me. Unless I tell them, they can’t help.

In my recovery I learned that burnout is preventable, and I now work in various roles spreading the message of burnout prevention. As a counsellor and speaker with Journeez, I help women and groups to transform stress and burnout into wholehearted living. I also work as a regional manager with Schools Ministry Group, where I support pastoral care workers to help young people discover purpose, value and hope.

Anyone who knows me knows that preventing burnout and increasing self-care and wholeheartedness is in my bones. It’s not unusual for me to ask a co-worker, friend or loved one: ‘When was the last time you did something for yourself?’

My biggest learning from this journey is that we all have a choice. Often, we think we are stuck in our situation, but I will never forget what a mentor once said: ‘Not making a decision is making a decision’. What choices do you need to make today to prevent burnout, ask for help or be the best version of yourself?

One of my favourite quotes that helps me on this journey is from Dr Brené Brown who says: ‘I am never more courageous than when I am embracing imperfection, embracing vulnerabilities and setting boundaries with the people in my life.’

Anna Doecke is a counsellor and speaker at Journeez (www.journeez.com.au) and regional manager at Schools Ministry Group.

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Running on empty

by Chris Materne

In October 1990, I was on the pre-opening team for the Grand Hotel at Glenelg. It was a hectic and exciting time. On the day the doors opened on the front bar and the restaurant we were still unpacking and washing the glasses, crockery and cutlery. The lucky first patrons in the bar at 5.00pm got free drinks because the money for the tills hadn’t arrived yet!

The other parts of the hotel opened gradually over the next few weeks. I went from being one of four restaurant supervisors to the manager of the brasserie in about three weeks, as others left the team. Then came the Grand Prix and I had to oversee one of the corporate marquees at the track while also managing the brasserie at the hotel. Then came Christmas and the Rio Tennis carnival. Work was unrelenting. But it was great fun, too, so we all kept pushing.

One night, driving home after closing the restaurant, I woke up with the car nose-first in the gutter on Anzac Highway. It was about 2.00am. I’d fallen asleep at the wheel. Luckily (miraculously, more likely), my foot must have fallen off the accelerator as I drifted into the kerb. Nothing was damaged – neither in me nor the car. How did I react to the realisation I was exhausted? I simply moved closer to work!

I’m no stranger to burnout. Thirty years later, I’m still prone to pushing myself too hard and for too long. I’m much more aware of burnout now but can be slow to recognise how far down the path towards the cliff I am. Thankfully, my husband, family and some trusted friends help to hold me accountable and I’ve learnt some things to help me navigate back to a healthier space.

Those serving in caring professions tend to be at increased risk of burnout, especially doctors, nurses, teachers, veterinarians, clergy and police officers. Burnout doesn’t just happen to those in paid employment though. Family carers and volunteers are also at risk, as not all ‘work’ is paid. Workplace factors linked to burnout include: workload (both overload and underload), role conflict and ambiguity, lack of control or autonomy around organising work, absence of fairness or equity, organisational changes and insufficient social support. There are also personal attributes that are often associated with burnout. According to the 11th edition of The International Classification of Diseases, these include: being young, female, single and higher educated, as well as those with a high level of emotional reactivity, high achievement orientation, low self-efficacy, hypersensitivity and perfectionism.

It is important to distinguish burnout from depression, as not all people who experience burnout are depressed, and vice versa. They are not the same thing; they have distinct symptoms and different pathways back to health.

For me, my personality places me in a high-risk category for burnout, especially if workplace factors linked to burnout are also prevalent. I know I’m not alone.

I did find my way back to good health in the 1990s. It took some time and involved a change in jobs (more than once, as it turned out). I found my way back to a local church, which also helped. I have learned what triggers I need to watch out for and what I need to do to keep myself healthy. There is no magic pill, no one thing that works for everyone all the time, but some things that help me include: eating healthy, nutrient dense food, but also allowing myself treats like icecream; exercising regularly and getting out in nature; praying and spending time with God; reading; journaling; spending time with people I love and also time on my own; and monitoring my energy levels and resting when I need to.

If these don’t help then I need to take more intentional action and critically review what’s happening at work. If I haven’t taken annual leave for a while, that increases my risk. If I have said ‘yes’ to too many people and things, I’m on a slippery slope.

My mother used to tell me, ‘If you want something done, ask a busy person!’ It was as though being busy was a good thing. If you were competent and productive you seemed to keep getting more tasks and more responsibilities. The Bible also tells us in Matthew 25:14–30 that we need to use the gifts we have. But there’s a trap. At some point we must acknowledge that we can’t say Yes to everything.

Jesus didn’t say Yes to everything. He knew there would always be plenty of work to do, but he took time out to pray, eat, be with friends, and rest. Ultimately, he said Yes to the single most important task given to him by his Father.

Talking to ourselves as we would to a loved friend can be really helpful. We wouldn’t want to see our best friend burn themselves out, and yet sometimes we expect so much of ourselves. We are loved and forgiven people of God – a people of hope. Our future is secure and we have great capacity to influence others who look to us and might see the joy we have in our hope. We are called to share our light with others.

If we are burned-out shells, it’s going to make it really hard for our light to be seen. If there is no fuel to keep our flames alight, they go out. Just like our cars, we can’t run on an empty tank. I pray we all find the fuel we need to fill our tanks.

Dr Chris Materne is the manager of the LCANZ Church Worker Support Department.

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It’s okay to say no

by Anna Doecke

It was August 2011 when I had a conversation with my counsellor, who identified that what I was experiencing was burnout. ‘Burnout?’, I inquired, having never heard that term – apart from what the local lads used to do in the back paddock near the farm where I grew up.

My counsellor explained that I needed to learn to look after myself. She introduced me to words and concepts such as self-care, date days, being kind to myself, setting boundaries, saying No and asking for what I need.

I was almost 26 at the time and had just moved back to Adelaide after working as a youth worker and chaplain in schools and churches in Adelaide, Melbourne and the Gold Coast for seven years.

As I reflect on my years in ministry, I have many fond memories. They were some of the most formative and fun years of my life. I had great friends and community, but it was a very busy time. There were many factors that led to my burnout. It wasn’t easy being away from home at a young age and I often felt homesick.

I struggled regularly in my work environment, feeling that I was unsupported and isolated and with impossible tasks and expectations piled on me. My immediate pastors and managers were great, and we would often talk through how to make changes, but this rarely resulted in any long-term helpful solutions. I was also studying and caring for my housemate who had mental illness. Life was busy and simply too full.

I was a ‘yes woman’ and this went on for about four years. I and those around me didn’t know about boundaries. I didn’t know how to say No, and didn’t know I needed to say No. I didn’t know what I needed. I didn’t know how to ask for help. It was also in the era where burnout and self-care were only just starting to be talked about – much different from now.

Unfortunately, I didn’t know I was heading towards burnout, or already burnt out. Upon reflection, and through my counselling journey, I have become aware of the signs. These include: losing motivation and excitement for work and life; feeling overwhelmed, and more anxious or worried than normal; struggling to make decisions; having a sense of feeling depressed; lacking empathy; increasing irritability or anger; feeling exhausted; being unproductive at work; experiencing a change in eating and sleeping habits, and suffering from headaches, light-headedness or nausea.

Apart from experiencing some of these signs and symptoms, I was also behaving in ways that were unhelpful, including: saying Yes to everything and everyone, feeling like I couldn’t say No, not taking a lunch break (or any breaks), being out every night of the week, not asking for help, withdrawing from social activities, and people pleasing.

Unpacking my life in therapy really helped me to heal and understand what got me to burnout. Growing up I had seen some of the behaviours listed above in my parents and other significant adults, and I learned how to deal with life by what they did. I don’t blame my parents. I had a safe and happy upbringing, which provided me with the privilege that I now experience in life. I’m grateful for having a counsellor who journeyed with me, so that I could heal, forgive and move forward with hope.

My burnout and recovery have come at a cost. I had some hard relationship issues that needed to be addressed. I needed to come to terms with the fact that my upbringing and church experience wasn’t (and isn’t) perfect, and that as humans we hurt each other. I had to journey through a lot of pain by acknowledging, naming, facing and addressing shame messages that I learned growing up in the church – mainly related to what I thought God, and humans, expected of me.

A significant cost I now live with is a reduced capacity for work and life. It’s common that once you experience burnout your capacity changes. A lot of people think they can get back to where and who they were before burnout, but in fact we walk through the recovery to discover a new and better version of ourselves – usually more authentic and ‘real’ than the person before burnout.

I am so grateful for the incredible friends, family, and support people I have in my life. They were vital in my recovery process, and continue to be now. I have learned that by being courageous, and sharing my vulnerability with them helps them to understand me better and know how to support me. Unless I tell them, they can’t help.

In my recovery I learned that burnout is preventable, and I now work in various roles spreading the message of burnout prevention. As a counsellor and speaker with Journeez, I help women and groups to transform stress and burnout into wholehearted living. I also work as a regional manager with Schools Ministry Group, where I support pastoral care workers to help young people discover purpose, value and hope.

Anyone who knows me knows that preventing burnout and increasing self-care and wholeheartedness is in my bones. It’s not unusual for me to ask a co-worker, friend or loved one: ‘When was the last time you did something for yourself?’

My biggest learning from this journey is that we all have a choice. Often, we think we are stuck in our situation, but I will never forget what a mentor once said: ‘Not making a decision is making a decision’. What choices do you need to make today to prevent burnout, ask for help or be the best version of yourself?

One of my favourite quotes that helps me on this journey is from Dr Brené Brown who says: ‘I am never more courageous than when I am embracing imperfection, embracing vulnerabilities and setting boundaries with the people in my life.’

Anna Doecke is a counsellor and speaker at Journeez (www.journeez.com.au) and regional manager at Schools Ministry Group.

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Lutherans unite for Ukraine

by Jonathan Krause

Australian Lutheran World Service (ALWS), our church’s aid and development agency, is mobilising our Lutheran community to assist people fleeing Ukraine.

Support from Australia and New Zealand is implemented by Lutheran World Federation (LWF), supporting the work of Lutheran churches in:

  • Ukraine – German Evangelical Lutheran Church in Ukraine
  • Hungary – Evangelical Lutheran Church in Hungary
  • Romania – Evangelical Church of the Augsburg Confession in Romania; Evangelical Lutheran Church in Romania
  • Slovakia – Evangelical Church of the Augsburg Confession in the Slovak Republic
  • Poland – Evangelical Church of the Augsburg Confession in Poland.

Chey Mattner, former Executive Director of ALWS, now Head of Operations for LWF World Service, is working in a three-person LWF delegation supporting these Lutheran churches. Where possible, LWF is also working with the Lutheran churches inside Ukraine.

Chey reports, ‘We were on the Polish/Ukrainian border soon after the invasion began. (People here don’t call it a war because that’s not a true reflection of what’s happening.) It was bitterly cold, too cold for snow. The temperature at night was -12˚C. People were arriving at border crossings. Some were picked up by people they knew, others by complete strangers, while many were taken to nearby reception points.

‘Congregations opened up their doors across the country; they welcomed people in and provided food and a warm bed, even though many of these households are poor themselves, still heating their homes with coal.

‘One Lutheran woman said: “I’m doing this because it is what Christ would have done, and because their husbands are also fighting for me”.’

In one case, an old couple brought 13 children across the border. The children were placed in a bus to Germany but the old couple’s Lada couldn’t keep up, and they were separated. The children found themselves on the street in the freezing cold. On hearing this, a Lutheran congregation member in Slovakia called two Lutheran congregations in Germany and within 15 minutes the family was reunited and all had warm places to stay for the next two nights.

‘LWF was created after the Second World War, with its original mandate to serve European refugees, one out of every four of whom was Lutheran’, Chey says. ‘Seventy years on, we’re doing the same thing.’

Through ALWS, our LCANZ is supporting the LWF action to welcome and care for 170,000 people:

  • shelter and household essentials – 41,000 people
  • food – 65,000 people
  • education – 39,000 people
  • psycho-social support – 2,000 people
  • community engagement – 23,000 people.

Everyday Lutherans are leading the way in this emergency response.

Chey says, ‘In Slovakia, the response from the Lutheran church has been remarkable. They have worked quickly with other denominations to negotiate a space in the small strip between the Slovak and Ukrainian borders to set up a tent where emergency goods are provided to weary children, mothers and grandmothers.

‘The Lutheran schools have welcomed children into their classes and are planning to renovate disused buildings to accommodate more students.

‘Bishops have rolled up their sleeves to become humanitarian coordinators – identifying needs, making contacts with congregations, the Lutheran youth fellowship, the Lutheran women’s fellowship, organising trucks of food, water, sanitary kits, and so on.

‘There is no time for dithering here. People are getting straight into it without thinking twice. They’re making space in their small homes, and giving what they can to serve their neighbours, just like Australian and Kiwi Lutherans do when they respond to a crisis.’

ALWS has pre-committed a minimum of $50,000 to the emergency response for the people of Ukraine, and donations are welcome.

Chey concludes, ‘We can’t overestimate the scale of human suffering in Ukraine. At the same time, I hope this is an opportunity for the world to be reminded of the 80 million people who are forcibly displaced in other parts of the world. Now is not the time for these crises to be forgotten.’

Jonathan Krause is ALWS Community Action Manager.

ALWS offers guest speakers to churches, who can provide updates on the Lutheran action. Donations are welcome: alws.org.au * 1300 763 407

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Prayer vigil a light for community

by Linda Macqueen

Grace Lutheran is certainly not the largest congregation in the Adelaide Hills. About 30 members worship regularly, including those on Zoom, and most are either retired or close to retirement. But the congregation is gaining a reputation locally for its spiritual vibrancy.

A recent example was the ‘Pray for Ukraine’ prayer vigil, hosted by the Grace congregation on 19 March, election day in South Australia. Noting that many people would drive past the church on their way to or from voting, they invited other churches and the general community to drop in to pray.

And people did indeed come – not in a rushing torrent but in a steady trickle throughout the day. Gill Stevenson, one of the organisers, said, ‘It was a statement of solidarity that Christians from other denominations came together to pray. Praise God for his inspiration, power and unifying love’.

‘Words that came to me repeatedly that day were, “God of the impossible, your will be done”. And, with our “shameless audacity” (Luke 11:8), we have the expectation that God heard every prayer and that he will answer in extraordinary ways.’

People who wanted a prayer guide could take a handout of notes, but others simply sat silently on the chairs or on the floor cushions and allowed the Spirit to guide them. Some people lit a candle to remind them of the presence of Jesus, the Light of the World.

Visitors were deeply moved, and thankful. Some suggested that Grace host a prayer vigil like this, or simply a quiet prayer space, once a month for the community.

‘The prayer vigil was a wonderful reminder to us and to the community that God is always with us, and with the people for whom we pray’, Gill said. ‘And we know that when we pray, God not only changes the situation for which we pray; he also changes us.’

Linda Macqueen is a member of Grace Lutheran Church, Bridgewater SA.

 

 

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With God all things are possible

Going GREYT! 1 Peter 4:10

In Going GREYT! we feature stories of some of our ‘more experienced’ people within the LCA, who have been called to make a positive contribution in their retirement. We pray their examples of service will be an inspiration and encouragement to us all as we look to be Christ’s hands and feet wherever we are, with whatever gifts and opportunities we’ve been given.

by Helen Brinkman

Matthew 19:26 assures us that, ‘with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible’.

Retiree Robert ‘Rob’ Krause reflects on that Bible verse when he thinks of the decades of service he has provided to his local community. It is service provided simply because he has seen a need and tried to help.

From reacting to a fear of fire by assisting a group to start a rural fire brigade, to responding to the call for a local Lutheran school, Rob’s need for action has come in many forms.

The fourth-generation dairy farmer’s home is the historic village of Marburg, on the scrubland between Brisbane and Toowoomba. Rob’s service to this regional community was recognised when he was awarded an Order of Australia medal in this year’s Australia Day Honours.

And his list of service is long! It includes decades of support for the local Marburg Show Society, activities in his Lutheran congregation of Rosewood, and supporting several local schools, among other volunteer roles.

Rob says it was a desire to help his local community that drew him to volunteer.

‘I guess it grew out of wanting to be part of the community, and to put in an effort to make things a bit better around the place’, Rob says.

‘Things were hard in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, and a lot of us had to make our own entertainment, and it was a matter of wanting to help your neighbour.’

Rob has lived in Marburg for most of his 86 years. One of six children, he grew up on his parents’ dairy farm and eventually took over the farm from 1972 to 2002.

This personal connection with Marburg, 15 minutes west of Ipswich, helped Rob find ways to help out in his community, starting with the local show. As a schoolboy he began helping with stalls and acting as a steward, then gradually took on more jobs, which has led to his 75-year association with the Marburg Show Society.

‘From school days on, I used to submit produce for judging in show categories’, Rob recalls. He’s even won a couple of first prizes for his sorghum, a grain for stock feed.

Rob served as the show society’s president from 2006 to 2017. He has been a life member since 1994. In addition, he not only helped set up the Marburg Rural Fire Brigade but also became its treasurer for a time. He is a former member of Ipswich Council City Country Consultative Group and was chair of the Marburg State School Centenary celebrations in 1979.

Rob and his wife Janet have been members of the Rosewood congregation for more than 50 years. The pair met through church and the local rural youth group. They were also active in the activities of Lutheran Youth of Queensland.

In June they will celebrate their 50th anniversary. ‘She is my biggest support and strength’, Rob says.

Rob served as congregational chair for several years. Janet, a former school teacher, also took on the congregational chair role for a few years. Both have served as General Synod delegates and have held other congregational roles.

Always interested in education, from 1982 to 1993 Rob served as a board member of the Bethany Lutheran Primary School, Raceview, where their four sons attended.

Their children had all but finished secondary school when the idea of a new secondary school in the region was sown. And so planning began for the Faith Lutheran College in nearby Plainland, with the school opening in 1999 with about 35 students.

Rob was part of the planning committee and a member of the school council for a decade, from 1999 to 2009. With Faith College now educating almost 800 students from across the Ipswich and Lockyer region, Rob and Janet’s son Paul is among its teaching staff.

As grandparents to eight grandsons and one granddaughter, Rob and Janet say that there have been many times when they have seen the hand of God in their activities.

‘There were a lot of things that happened which were quite miraculous’, they recall.

Rob regularly reflects on the words of Hymn 499 from the original black Lutheran Hymnal, which was shared in prayer before each sermon delivered by one of his previous ministers, Pastor Ludwig Doehler, at nearby Lowood: ‘Lord Jesus Christ to us attend, thy Holy Spirit to us send. With grace to rule us day by day and lead us in true wisdom’s way.’

Helen Brinkman is a Brisbane-based writer who is inspired by the many GREYT people who serve tirelessly and humbly in our community. By sharing stories of how God shines his light through his people, she hopes others are encouraged to explore how they can use their gifts to share his light in the world.

Know of any other GREYT stories in your local community? Email the editor lisa.mcintosh@lca.org.au   

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