,

The good fight

by Darren Jaensch

Members of the defence forces often compromise their own comfort and safety in seeking to protect the freedoms we as Australians and New Zealanders enjoy.

Those who have faith need to be supported and ministered to, especially when they are isolated from their home church or religious community. Others may become open to faith and spiritual growth when confronted with alternative realities or removed from their usual supports.

Defence chaplains provide pastoral, spiritual and religious support to people (souls) in this context. Chaplains also advocate for the powerless and speak an alternative and fearless voice to commanders.

Chaplains educate and influence commanders and troops alike in the reality of the spiritual dimension to life, moral consequences, the importance of character and faith, and compassion in the sacred encounters of life. And, often, our very presence is a simple reminder of the reality of the transcendent.

Since recently taking on the role of Director General Chaplaincy – Army, I have been responsible to the Chief of Army for overseeing the management of 71 full-time and roughly 100 part-time chaplains from Christian denominations and other faiths. I also am required to oversee the recruitment, training and resourcing of chaplains, their support to Australian Defence Force operations, and the provision of pastoral, spiritual and religious support to the Army workforce. My focus includes setting a vision and direction for Army chaplaincy, and shaping its culture and ethos.

Concurrently, I assume the role of Principal Chaplain Protestant Denominations, which means I exercise oversight and care of all Protestant chaplains in Army. I represent them in posting considerations, monitor denominational accountability, advise on suitability for Army chaplaincy, and advise Army commanders on Protestant matters.

I have a great team of senior chaplains and strive to harness their enthusiasm and giftings, as they develop as leaders in chaplaincy.

However, this role has been a world away – both figuratively and, at times, literally – from the realm of service and work I expected to be a part of when I began studying for ministry in the LCA.

I was a parish pastor for six years in Queensland and Northern Territory from 1994. But God was already leading me towards my present role even before I was ordained. In 1992, while I was on vicarage, Pastor Ken Schmidt talked to me about the possibility of Army chaplaincy in the future. He could see something I couldn’t, and I distinctly remember laughing at the suggestion. Ken (and God) had the last laugh! In 1998 I served a parish that had a number of Defence members in the congregation. In an effort to understand their world and, in response to approaches from local chaplains and advice from the previous pastor, David Spike, I agreed to support the Army in
part-time (Reserve) chaplaincy.

I liked it, it liked me, and two years later, the opportunity to serve full-time presented. I discerned a calling to that ministry and the LCA agreed to release me to represent the church in that mission context.

It is a specialised ministry and not everyone’s cup of tea, nor is everyone suited to it. But I find fulfilment in knowing that I am able to ply my ministry gifting in a context that also contributes to our national security.

I find joy in engaging with clergy and faith group leaders from other denominations and even faith groups, and working together with them as colleagues.

Defence chaplains can find themselves in a wide variety of situations, which can be both invigorating and frightening. Not many people get paid to visit unfamiliar parts of the world or to jump out of perfectly serviceable aeroplanes! But mostly, there is both challenge and fulfilment in engaging with a flock which is largely unchurched and yet working in fields in which members necessarily encounter issues with spiritual and eternal relevance.

There is joy in enabling them to find a vocabulary for that experience, and to lead them into the reality of the divine and a faith journey. Most of what we do as chaplains might be termed ‘pre-evangelism’, sowing seeds perhaps. Occasionally we get to see that seed germinate. There are inevitable domestic, personal and philosophical ‘rub points’ in defence chaplaincy. Army service can take you to more remote parts of the country, away from family support.

There is inherent danger in the role, too, both on overseas operations and in training exercises. And you can face physically challenging and uncomfortable working and living environments.

Defence service means signing up to be where the troops are. Sometimes that means involvement in military actions that chaplains – and other members – feel conflicted about. These issues need to be philosophically worked through by clergy who seek to minister in this context and play their part in serving the people of Australia and defending the nation’s interests.

Chaplains are not permitted to proselytise, and are expected to remain respectful in encouraging and providing support to folk of faith in their existing spiritual or religious journeys. So there is no ‘Bible bashing’.

St Francis of Assisi is erroneously quoted as saying, ‘Preach the gospel. If necessary, use words’. This sentiment, however, is a reality for chaplains. Our actions and care often preach a clearer gospel than our spoken words.

And we have opportunity to share our personal faith, respectfully and appropriately, in pastoral counselling encounters; in character-training lessons; in quiet conversations at 3.00am on piquet in the gun pit; and in conversations that follow when members face morally and spiritually confronting situations, including the taking of life, the death of mates and their own thin grasp on life.

Even a prayer or blessing, given in response to a superstitious or talismanic request, is an opportunity to introduce people to the Lord of Life.

Pastor Darren Jaensch is the Australian Army’s Director General Chaplaincy.

The LCA needs good people to fly the flag for the church in defence chaplaincy. If you are a pastor and believe you have a gifting for this ministry, or if you believe your pastor would be well suited, the Secretary of the Church, Pastor Neville Otto, would love to hear from you at neville.otto@lca.og.au.

Part-time chaplains are given training and ministry exposure that can significantly enhance their effectiveness in parish and other LCA ministries. Likewise, if you know of women and men in ministry in other churches who might be suited, please contact Pastor Darren Jaensch at darren.jaensch@defence.gov.au

Subscribe here to receive stories & upcoming issues in full

/by
,

Forgiveness has power to heal

by Adam McKay

Fifteen years ago I was a horticulturalist by trade and I had my own business – called Adam the First Gardener. I enjoyed my work and I also loved riding my bike, so I would ride to work every day. I used to pull 250 kilos of horticulture tools behind my pushbike!

I was subcontracting on the annexes at the Australian War Memorial in Canberra. Then on 15 January 2003, I was hit by a car on my way to work.

My life and dreams were shattered. I was in a coma for eight days. I had full memory loss, an internal head injury and a knee injury. I had to rebuild my whole life. I had to learn who I was again. They had to teach me how to use my hands again, how to build up my strength, my balance, everything. It was very frustrating.

I was in a wheelchair and people didn’t think I would walk again. I had always had a hot temper and I was starting to show my anger in hospital. I was angry at the driver who hit me. I know now that I was angry at myself, too.

When someone at the hospital mentioned that I was angry, I said I wanted to be left alone, so they wheeled me over to a corner. But I was really ‘agro’ and I punched out a brick from a double-brick wall!

I think that probably scared some people at the hospital – you wouldn’t expect that much strength from someone in a wheelchair.

But when I pounded the wall out, I think that was the first step to forgiveness.

I told the staff I needed Christians around me and they found five other Christians, who came and prayed for me. Someone said to me afterwards that I’d have to forgive the driver. But it’s hard to forgive, because it’s not our human nature – it’s God’s nature to forgive.

I had to take it step-by-step and work on it with God’s help and my family’s help and a lot of counselling. I was still in my wheelchair but as soon as I forgave the driver, things started happening.

Subscribe here to receive stories & upcoming issues in full

/by
,

Meet our new shepherds

These six pastoral ministry graduates from Australian Lutheran College come from a wide variety of backgrounds and are stepping out in faith to begin their first assignments in 2018.

Darryl Shoesmith
Age: 60
Family: Wife Shirley and three adult married children and four grandchildren
Home congregation: Good Shepherd, Toowoomba Qld
Assigned to: Christchurch NZ

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? Grandparents and older adult friends

Who are the most influential people now? Shirley and close friends

What did you do before you went to Australian Lutheran College (ALC)? Retired after selling firearms retail business, undertook various property renovations, travelled

Joseph Graham
Age: 24
Home congregation: St John’s, Bundaberg Qld
Assigned to: Dubbo–Gilgandra NSW

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? My dad, Pastor Greg Graham

Who are the most influential people now? Family and friends

What did you do before you went to ALC? I worked in a bakery for one year out of school, and coached rowing for Bundaberg State High School’s club (Qld). The following year I studied chemistry, philosophy and Japanese at the University of Queensland in Brisbane.

Roelof Buitendag
Age: 37
Family: Wife Bec, children Jax and Ellie
Home congregation: Mount Gravatt Qld
Assigned to: Ipswich Lutheran Parish Qld

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? My parents and grandmother, an older kid who made Jesus look awesome, and my youth pastor Stephen Parker

Who are the most influential people now? Authors/pastors John Piper, Tim Keller and Francis Chan; Pastor Fraser Pearce (my vicarage supervisor) and (LCA Church Planting Mentor and Mission Facilitator) Dean Eaton

What did you do before you went to ALC? Studied psychology and exercise science, then worked as a sleep scientist

Tim Castle-Schmidt
Age: 46
Family: Wife Fiona and daughter Miranda
Home congregation: Morphett Vale SA
Assigned to: SA/NT District

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? My family, although others contributed, especially my church family at St Stephen’s, Adelaide

Who are the most influential people for you now? Fiona, of course, has a high degree of influence, but I really don’t feel beholden to anyone.

What did you do before you went to ALC? After university, I taught in Lutheran schools in Queensland, WA and SA. While studying I had various jobs, including running the old Adelaide pie carts, fruit picking and taxi driving.

Matthew Huckel
Age: 42
Family: Wife Sal and children Benjamin, Jonah, Zachary, Tabitha, Philippa and Grace
Assigned to: Pasadena SA

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? My parents helped in the development of my faith; close friends helped grow my faith; globetrotters gave me courage to travel – without them I would not have met Sal

Who are the most influential people now? My wife and family. Being a father and husband has taught me about the care of God’s people. My vicarage supervisor Pastor Adrian Kitson and ALC lecturers have opened up many treasures in Lutheran theology.

What did you do before you went to ALC? I worked as a clinical music therapist in mental health, aged care, and other fields in England and Australia.

Peter Heintze
Family: Wife Dr Sharon Gierus and children Baxter and Ella
Home congregation: Holy Cross, Murray Bridge SA
Assigned to: Coonalpyn SA

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? My parents, Dennis and Lois Heintze, who constantly encouraged me in the faith

Who are the most influential people now? My wife Sharon, my brother-in-law Pastor Steve Hibbard, and my wife’s grandmother Myrtle Heidenreich

What did you do before you went to ALC? I was a farmer for 20 years, growing wheat, breeding merino sheep, and involved in egg production. I then worked as a groundsman and tutor at a school on an Aboriginal community and as a sample processor for a mining company, both in the Northern Territory. I also worked for the government in weed eradication and water compliance, while running my own cleaning business in South Australia.

Subscribe here to receive stories & upcoming issues in full

/by
,

Why is it so hard to forgive?

In Matthew 18:21 Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother when he sins against him. Jesus’s answer, according to many Bible translations, is 70 times seven.

In reality, I have forgiven my ex-husband more than 490 times but I still have a long way to go. I still harbour anger against him for betraying me and breaking up our family.

It is easy to say ‘I forgive’, but it is so much harder to actually mean it.

In late November 2009 my husband announced out of the blue that he wanted to end our marriage of 17 years. I had not anticipated this as we had not been fighting and were in the process of building our dream house together.

It was even more of a shock when I discovered pictures of him and another woman on Facebook, and intercepted a mobile phone bill that contained hundreds of texts and calls to one particular number.

He denied having an affair to me, my sister and my mother. It was only at a marriage counselling session that he finally admitted that was the reason he wanted out of our relationship. He was only going through the motions of counselling – not to save our marriage but so ‘I would get over him better’.

He moved out and my life spiralled into a black hole of despair. Our pre-teen children were confused and scared by what was going on.

I couldn’t eat or sleep, cried constantly and contemplated ending my life. But God had other plans. A phone call to someone who had gone through a similar marriage breakdown made me realise I had a lot to live for – my children needed me. And they were going through their own grief, anger and pain.

God led me to three women who I now consider my best friends. My KYB (Know Your Bible) group prayed with and for me and shared their stories of forgiveness. I remember sitting in my bed praying for guidance.

I was flicking through my Bible and suddenly passages leapt off the pages. I wrote the verses down and even today they still resonate, particularly Proverbs 6:32 –
‘A man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself’. Because my ex-husband was not a Christian, 1 Corinthians 7:13,15 also spoke to me: ‘And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.’ There were uplifting texts, too, such as Philippians 4:13 – ‘I can do all this through him who gives me strength’.

These and other verses reminded me that I was not alone, that God was with me, and that ultimately he would deal with my ex-husband in his own way and time. My faith was something I clung to as I sought help to cope with my feelings of despair. Forgiveness was something both my pastor and counsellor talked to me about.

But how do you forgive someone who has broken what I believe is a sacred vow of marriage, who has lied to your face, told you they don’t love you, that they need a change and you now mean nothing to them?

The author’s name has been withheld, however this is a true account by a member of the LCA.

Subscribe here to receive stories & upcoming issues in full

/by
,

Sharing love, lunch and Luther

by Julie Slaghekke

This year the Longest Lutheran Lunch celebration coincided with the 500th anniversary of the Reformation. Almost 150 congregations from all over Australia and New Zealand, as well as Canada, welcomed family and friends to their Longest Lutheran Lunch (LLLu) events.

While dates, times, styles and themes differed, the intent was constant: inviting people to share in God’s goodness through worship, fellowship and a meal; honouring the culture and heritage of the LCA/NZ and the legacy of Luther; offering an inclusive, intergenerational event; and connecting as many people as possible. Event organisers were creative, committed and contrasting in their approaches.

In Auckland, New Zealand, Mountainside Lutheran members chose to share God’s blessings with those in need. Rather than hosting a lunch, they packed food into containers with a personal message and tract or bookmark, then took them to Auckland City Mission.

Mighty rain trees in the garden of St Paul’s Lutheran Parish Townsville, in Far North Queensland, shaded more than 50 lunchgoers. Joined by members from nearby Ingham and Ayr, Townsville celebrated the church’s birthday with a shared meal and birthday cake.

At North Adelaide, South Australia, members and guests were joined for lunch by ‘Martin’, who resides at the church.

At Walla Walla, New South Wales, a progressive lunch followed a service led by the local youth. After soup served in the spring sunshine, the meal moved to two venues for mains and two for sweets and socialising.

Staff, students and friends of Redeemer Lutheran School, Nuriootpa, in South Australia, provided a beautiful demonstration of intergenerational mission. Women from their supporting Lutheran congregations made more than 400 cupcakes for students to enjoy. Students also commemorated the Reformation anniversary by forming
a big ‘500’ on the school oval.

This is what the Longest Lutheran Lunch is all about – celebrating the unity that comes from who we are in Jesus and sharing that with people in our community, no matter what their age, culture or denomination.

Julie Slaghekke is Coordinator for the 2017 Longest Lutheran Lunch.

Subscribe here to receive stories & upcoming issues in full

/by
,

A big church’s little gesture

Zion Lutheran Church Gnadenberg, in South Australia’s Barossa Valley, is a little church with a big heart.

The congregation of 32, which is part of the Angaston Parish, has never had an LCA pastor come out of its ranks. So, about 20 years ago, Zion members decided to offer some support to a pastoral ministry student during his studies.

Since that time, Gnadenberg in Moculta has supported four Australian Lutheran College (ALC) – formerly Luther Seminary – students through their journey to become pastors. With a little help from their friends at Zion, pastors Keith McNicol, Greg Fowler, Tim Ebbs and Geoff Schefe have graduated, been ordained and begun serving the church in parish ministry.

Since last year, Gnadenberg has given its backing to second-year ALC student Chris Johnson.

Zion chairperson Andrew Koch says in each case the congregation had sought ALC’s recommendation of a student who wasn’t local and would benefit from having another ‘family’ behind them.

‘We’re just trying to help particularly a student that has come from further afield, doesn’t have any family living close by and who is missing that local support’, Andrew says of the project which has contributed around $12,500 in monetary gifts toward student expenses over the years.

‘It’s not only financial support – it’s also prayer support and we try to have them up a few times a year engaging with different members of the congregation, so that by the end of their course they feel at home with the congregation and we feel at home with them. It’s also about friendship, mentorship and all of those sorts of things.’

And Chris Johnson is from about as far ‘further afield’ as you could get, hailing from Walla Walla, in Washington State in the United States. He doesn’t have Lutheran church heritage from the US; his Lutheran origins are within the LCA, since moving to Australia in 2005.

Gnadenberg raises funds for what members call ‘sem student support’ through an annual auction following a winery church service and lunch at Henschke Cellars in nearby Keyneton. The Henschke family are members at Gnadenberg.

The winery service and lunch began 27 years ago as an outreach of the congregation, looking to attract people who wouldn’t normally go to church.

After the auction idea was born, it became a natural link to supporting future pastors.

Each family from Gnadenberg is asked to donate an item, with visitors often contributing, too.

Chris has attended the past two winery services and auctions with his wife Melissa Juergensen. He has spoken to the gatherings as part of his connection with the congregation, and says Gnadenberg’s gesture of support is incredibly moving.

Subscribe here to receive stories & upcoming issues in full

/by
,

Fishing and friendship with ‘Santa Claus’

by Reid Matthias

I went fishing with Santa.

During my first week at Para Vista Lutheran Church in suburban Adelaide, Verne approached me and stuck out his hand. I shook it and enjoyed the eerie visage that greeted me. Verne peered at me from behind bifocals that made his eyes look bigger than they really were.

As he spoke, the hairs of his moustache blew out in little puffs, like cotton balls tossed in a light, spring breeze, and his beard hung raggedly white on the chest of his shirt.

‘Do you like to fish?’, he asked, his voice gravelly but mirthful.

I stared up at him, to the top of his head, which looked like the snow-encrusted peak El Capitan, in Yosemite National Park. Verne is about six feet four inches tall (193cm) and I would have guessed from his appearance that he would more likely fit in handing out presents with elves than holding a fishing rod.

‘Do I like to fish?’, I repeated as if this was a silly question. ‘Don’t all disciples like to fish?’ Weird Christian jokes fail sometimes and I think Verne was wanting to take back his question.

‘I’ll take that as a “yes”.’ He was still smiling. ‘How about we go out fishing and I’ll show you how to catch blueys’, he responded, using the local lingo for blue swimmer crabs.

I rolled out of bed at 5.00am after a restless night. Because I was excited to get out on the water for the first time, I woke up before my alarm, dressed in my fishing clothes, grabbed my hat, a few morsels for lunch and headed off. When I arrived at Verne’s house, he was outside waiting for me. He was looking at his watch. He looked like St Nicholas stamping his foot for the last of the toys to be loaded into the sleigh.

I got into his truck and we headed off. After some small talk, he told me about some of his fishing adventures and what made him tick.

‘So, you see’, he started, his voice echoing above the classical music in the background (I had expected Waylon Jennings or Johnny Cash), ‘I don’t wear my teeth when I go fishing anymore. One time I got seasick, and I berleyed the water and my choppers ended up with some shark, I’m sure.’ In other words, he puked his teeth out. I bet that was an amazing visual experience for the others in the boat.

‘Wait, so you get seasick?’

‘Yup’, he responded proudly, ‘but I take the tablets and I wear a little wrist thing.’ I thought this was one of those jokes Australians play on me as an expat American.

‘And, here’s the other funny thing – I’m allergic to shellfish. Can’t eat them. Makes me sick. Allergies and things.’ I looked over to see if he was serious, but his eyes were staring straight ahead into the road.

I had to formulate my thoughts: I’m going fishing with a toothless, shellfish–intolerant, seasick fisherman. This is awesome!

‘What do you do with the crabs when you catch them?’, I asked.

‘I give them away. They’re worth about $35 a kilogram. There are always people who are willing to take them and eat them. Giving them away makes me very happy.’

Pastor Reid Matthias is Parish Team Pastor at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church, Para Vista SA.

Subscribe here to receive stories & upcoming issues in full

/by
,

‘Granny, I’m scared to go home’

Living with family or domestic violence can have a profound and traumatic effect on children – and some even bear the brunt of the abuse themselves. Jane* and her husband Mal were shocked to discover that their grandchildren were being abused at home. She shares the heartache and feelings of helplessness they experienced and also her belief that God’s love can bring hope for healing and a happier future.

‘I don’t want to go home.’

Those words still haunt me today. I can still hear them as our two grandchildren went out the door of our ‘safe’ house to return home to a house of abuse.

Our daughter Sarah married an alcoholic. Michael, her husband and the children’s father, was abusive particularly to our grandson. After 10 years of living dominated by physical abuse of both Sarah and the children, the marriage ended.

We were not aware how much trauma occurred during those years, as our daughter worked really hard at projecting to us that everything was okay at home.
I remember one Christmas Eve service at our church. Our entire family always attended. This particular year they turned up and I thought the children looked rather scruffy and unkempt. Only later did I realise Sarah had been working and Michael was supposed to organise the children. It would have been so much easier for her to just say they were not coming, but they came only because of her determination and perseverance to keep up a normal life.

All this makes what happened in the following years so much harder to comprehend.

David moved in soon after Michael moved out. We were not aware of this until some months later. At this stage our grandson Jack was 8 years old and our granddaughter Sophie was 6. David attended all our family get-togethers and was accepted as part of the family. At no time did our grandchildren even hint to us that there was a problem and, of course, our daughter didn’t suggest there was anything untoward going on.

Thinking back I realise that often when I rang Sarah our conversation had to be suspended because of crying and screaming in the background. That was when David attacked Jack and Sophie. Whenever Sarah had a shower or wasn’t nearby, the ‘hero’ went for the children. They were warned not to say anything or worse would follow.

About two years after David moved in, we arranged to pick up the grandchildren from school each Wednesday. We helped them with homework and stayed until Sarah came home from work. This was when we realised something was wrong. Once David arrived home before Sarah, and Sophie, with a frightened look on her face, asked ‘Could you please stay a while?’. On another occasion Jack asked the same thing.

It was a mind-numbing shock to find out what was really happening in that house. Jack was repeatedly hit and forced into his room. Most of the time it was when Sarah was not there. Jack would break down and cry. Sophie’s way of coping was to keep out of David’s way and not stick up for Jack who was constantly receiving all the abuse. They were such sad, unhappy little children.

My husband and I decided to discuss the situation with Sarah. We told her what the children had told us, how David was hitting them, how he had such a violent temper, used foul language, and how he loved to frighten them. We also told her we thought he had mental health problems which needed checking by a doctor. It was the worst thing we could have done.

Sarah told David and the situation got much worse for Jack and Sophie. It became obvious then that for Sarah, David staying was the priority over the needs of the children. From then on, if we asked whether we should say something to their mother, they begged us not to. Such was the fear he generated in them.

We started having the children stay with us more often. Not only did they stay during all the holidays, they also came for ‘respite care’ at least three times during the term. Each time they went home the words ‘I don’t want to go home’ echoed in my head and I just sat and cried, feeling so desperately sad and helpless.

Apparently, each time they stayed here, David would really go for them when they arrived home. He had never been married or had children of his own and he didn’t want them or like them being around.

I took notes of what the children told us in case these were ever needed. David would say things to Jack and Sophie like ‘tell anyone and I will rip your head off’, ‘I will rip out your throat’ or ‘if I had my way I would throw you under a bus’. He has at times turned on our daughter, too – not physically yet, but he has certainly been verbally abusive. The children become so scared for their mother they ring us and we head to their house wondering what we will find when we get there.

Generally Sarah is furious that the children have rung us and so, once again, the problems are all their fault. It is so hard for us as her parents to try to understand what is going on in her head, let alone why she stays with David.

All this heartbreak, tears, anxiety and desperation came to a head one day in 2015 when we received a call from the school counsellor asking us to come to the school as the grandchildren were too frightened to go home. We were asked whether we would take care of them. They stayed with us for eight months. After some months our granddaughter missed her mother and decided it was time to return home.

There are times when it is almost impossible to believe this has happened to our family.

* Names have been changed, however this story is a true account by a member of the LCA.

Domestic and family violence support
Call 000 if you, a child or another person is in immediate danger.
1800RESPECT – family violence & sexual assault counselling 1800 737 732
Lifeline – crisis support for domestic abuse and family violence 131 114

Subscribe here to receive stories & upcoming issues in full

/by
,

LCA campaigns against domestic and family violence

by Ian Rentsch

The LCA this month is launching its Campaign for the Prevention of Domestic and Family Violence under the tagline Hidden Hurts Healing Hearts to coincide with White Ribbon Day on 25 November.

The campaign, which has been developed as the result of a resolution passed at the 2015 General Synod (see Bishop John Henderson’s message on page 10), aims to build awareness within the church of the prevalence of family and domestic violence, as well as to train members in challenging those who use violence and in supporting victims of abuse.

The synod resolution called for the ‘condemnation of all forms of violence in the family’ and for a church-wide effort to address family violence within the church through measures which could include resources, education and providing pastoral care to the survivors and the perpetrators of abuse.

As a result, the LCA commissioned the Campaign for the Prevention of Domestic and Family Violence. A working group, comprising lay members Colleen Fitzpatrick, Libby Jewson, Jacqui Kelly, Helen Lockwood, Angela Mayer, Stephen Rudolph, Peter Schirmer, and pastors Keith Stiller and James Winderlich, has overseen its development.

The words ‘Hidden Hurts’ highlight that we too often have not acknowledged the reality of domestic violence in our congregations, and have not always listened to the victims of abuse, nor given them the support and care they have needed.

The second part of the tagline developed by Jonathan Krause, ‘Healing Hearts’, reminds us that we are empowered by the grace of Jesus Christ to appropriately support victims of abuse and challenge those who use violence.

Hidden Hurts Healing Hearts aims to:
• Make everyone in the LCA aware of the scourge of domestic violence and its impact not only on victims, but also on families and church communities
• Give to members, through training and information, the confidence to challenge persons who use violence; and to give victims the support and care that they need; and
• Encourage all of us to demonstrate to each other and the wider society that there is a better way to live as God’s forgiven people.

The Lutheran Laypeople’s League and Lutheran Services Queensland have funded the campaign, including its coordination, providing training, and producing a website and promotional material. The website will include information about forms of domestic and family violence; training for pastors, church workers and congregations; available support services, and scriptural and theological elements that affirm the life-giving message of the gospel and the equality of men and women. Visit the website at www.preventDFV.lca.org.au and please complete the online survey on attitudes to domestic violence.

It is our prayer and hope that all forms of violence and abuse in and among families will cease. That remains an unfulfilled desire while we remain sinful human beings, but our hope is in Jesus Christ.

Ian Rentsch is Coordinator of the LCA’s Campaign for the Prevention of Domestic and Family Violence.

Subscribe here to receive stories & upcoming issues in full

/by
,

My wife was my abuser

Neil* was a victim of domestic and family violence and abuse perpetrated by his wife for many years. He felt embarrassed and at times when he reached out for help, he wasn’t taken seriously because he was a man. He is grateful to God he now has a life without abuse and can focus on blessings rather than bitterness.

I went to my first domestic violence seminar. They showed a video, and I was shocked. My wife did worse things to me at home.

We went into small groups and we were supposed to share. So I tried to talk about what was happening to me. The group leader pointed her finger at me, and said, ‘If you treated your wife right, she wouldn’t have to hit you!’. It was as though, because I’m a man, my wife couldn’t really hurt me – that domestic and family violence is only perpetrated by men. That was not my experience. I felt like I didn’t exist.

Not long after that, my wife tried to stab me with a butcher’s knife. I grabbed her wrist and squeezed until she dropped the knife. She held up her hand and said, ‘I could go to a shelter, and tell them you are abusing me! You’ll never see your children again’. I thought, ‘She’s right. No one at a shelter is going to ask if she is the violent one. If I want to protect our children, I am going to have to be very careful what I do’.

When I met Andrea, it was love at first sight. I knew she had pain in her life from broken family relationships, but I was committed to loving and protecting her.

We had our first big fight packing up after the wedding and, when we unpacked our things at our new house, Andrea got angry, said she hated me and stormed out.

I was stunned. We’d only just been married. A few days later, she threw plates at me, which broke against the wall.

I soon learnt to walk on eggshells. When I was very careful, Andrea didn’t yell.

We started a family. Andrea enjoyed the attention she received while she was pregnant and she was happy taking care of the children while they were babies. Once they were no longer babies, she wanted another child. We had a large family.

As the children grew up, they also felt the brunt of their mother’s angry outbursts.

Andrea threatened to leave me repeatedly and sex was used as a bargaining chip to get what she wanted. She verbally abused me and criticised my every attempt to help around the house.

She controlled me physically, emotionally, socially and financially. She knew my old wounds and how to hurt me.

We went to counselling and I tried many things to see whether we could restore the love and happiness to our relationship. But nothing worked – not romantic notes, special dinners, picnics, weekends away, nothing.

One day she started hitting me and cursing me. She did not really hurt me physically, but I shook inwardly for days. I decided I would never let her hit me again, which was an important step in my journey. And she never did.

I was tired of walking on eggshells. I was tired of having to be vigilant to protect my children from their mother’s tirades. I was tired of being in a relationship with no love.

But when, after more than 30 years of marriage, my wife and I separated and ultimately divorced, I found I was attracted to other controlling women. I decided I needed to change, so I could get into a healthy relationship.

By God’s grace I have remarried – to a woman who does not seek to control my every move.

I had to realise that, while I have many faults, I am a worthwhile person, loved and forgiven by God, and should be treated with respect like anyone else.

I refuse to hate my ex-wife. She is the mother of my children.

I refuse to live in bitterness. I am often tempted to dwell on the past, but if I choose to live in bitterness, that pain will control the rest of my life.

Instead, I focus on my many blessings. One is that I know God promises everything works together for good to those who love him.

* Names and other identifying details have been changed, however this story is a true account by a member of the LCA.

MensLine Australia is the national telephone and online support, information and referral service for men with family and relationship concerns. It offers specialist support for men who use or experience family and domestic violence.
Call 1300 789 978 or go to https://mensline.org.au

Subscribe here to receive stories & upcoming issues in full

/by