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Zion Lutheran Church Gnadenberg, in South Australia’s Barossa Valley, is a little church with a big heart.

The congregation of 32, which is part of the Angaston Parish, has never had an LCA pastor come out of its ranks. So, about 20 years ago, Zion members decided to offer some support to a pastoral ministry student during his studies.

Since that time, Gnadenberg in Moculta has supported four Australian Lutheran College (ALC) – formerly Luther Seminary – students through their journey to become pastors. With a little help from their friends at Zion, pastors Keith McNicol, Greg Fowler, Tim Ebbs and Geoff Schefe have graduated, been ordained and begun serving the church in parish ministry.

Since last year, Gnadenberg has given its backing to second-year ALC student Chris Johnson.

Zion chairperson Andrew Koch says in each case the congregation had sought ALC’s recommendation of a student who wasn’t local and would benefit from having another ‘family’ behind them.

‘We’re just trying to help particularly a student that has come from further afield, doesn’t have any family living close by and who is missing that local support’, Andrew says of the project which has contributed around $12,500 in monetary gifts toward student expenses over the years.

‘It’s not only financial support – it’s also prayer support and we try to have them up a few times a year engaging with different members of the congregation, so that by the end of their course they feel at home with the congregation and we feel at home with them. It’s also about friendship, mentorship and all of those sorts of things.’

And Chris Johnson is from about as far ‘further afield’ as you could get, hailing from Walla Walla, in Washington State in the United States. He doesn’t have Lutheran church heritage from the US; his Lutheran origins are within the LCA, since moving to Australia in 2005.

Gnadenberg raises funds for what members call ‘sem student support’ through an annual auction following a winery church service and lunch at Henschke Cellars in nearby Keyneton. The Henschke family are members at Gnadenberg.

The winery service and lunch began 27 years ago as an outreach of the congregation, looking to attract people who wouldn’t normally go to church.

After the auction idea was born, it became a natural link to supporting future pastors.

Each family from Gnadenberg is asked to donate an item, with visitors often contributing, too.

Chris has attended the past two winery services and auctions with his wife Melissa Juergensen. He has spoken to the gatherings as part of his connection with the congregation, and says Gnadenberg’s gesture of support is incredibly moving.

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Living with family or domestic violence can have a profound and traumatic effect on children – and some even bear the brunt of the abuse themselves. Jane* and her husband Mal were shocked to discover that their grandchildren were being abused at home. She shares the heartache and feelings of helplessness they experienced and also her belief that God’s love can bring hope for healing and a happier future.

‘I don’t want to go home.’

Those words still haunt me today. I can still hear them as our two grandchildren went out the door of our ‘safe’ house to return home to a house of abuse.

Our daughter Sarah married an alcoholic. Michael, her husband and the children’s father, was abusive particularly to our grandson. After 10 years of living dominated by physical abuse of both Sarah and the children, the marriage ended.

We were not aware how much trauma occurred during those years, as our daughter worked really hard at projecting to us that everything was okay at home.
I remember one Christmas Eve service at our church. Our entire family always attended. This particular year they turned up and I thought the children looked rather scruffy and unkempt. Only later did I realise Sarah had been working and Michael was supposed to organise the children. It would have been so much easier for her to just say they were not coming, but they came only because of her determination and perseverance to keep up a normal life.

All this makes what happened in the following years so much harder to comprehend.

David moved in soon after Michael moved out. We were not aware of this until some months later. At this stage our grandson Jack was 8 years old and our granddaughter Sophie was 6. David attended all our family get-togethers and was accepted as part of the family. At no time did our grandchildren even hint to us that there was a problem and, of course, our daughter didn’t suggest there was anything untoward going on.

Thinking back I realise that often when I rang Sarah our conversation had to be suspended because of crying and screaming in the background. That was when David attacked Jack and Sophie. Whenever Sarah had a shower or wasn’t nearby, the ‘hero’ went for the children. They were warned not to say anything or worse would follow.

About two years after David moved in, we arranged to pick up the grandchildren from school each Wednesday. We helped them with homework and stayed until Sarah came home from work. This was when we realised something was wrong. Once David arrived home before Sarah, and Sophie, with a frightened look on her face, asked ‘Could you please stay a while?’. On another occasion Jack asked the same thing.

It was a mind-numbing shock to find out what was really happening in that house. Jack was repeatedly hit and forced into his room. Most of the time it was when Sarah was not there. Jack would break down and cry. Sophie’s way of coping was to keep out of David’s way and not stick up for Jack who was constantly receiving all the abuse. They were such sad, unhappy little children.

My husband and I decided to discuss the situation with Sarah. We told her what the children had told us, how David was hitting them, how he had such a violent temper, used foul language, and how he loved to frighten them. We also told her we thought he had mental health problems which needed checking by a doctor. It was the worst thing we could have done.

Sarah told David and the situation got much worse for Jack and Sophie. It became obvious then that for Sarah, David staying was the priority over the needs of the children. From then on, if we asked whether we should say something to their mother, they begged us not to. Such was the fear he generated in them.

We started having the children stay with us more often. Not only did they stay during all the holidays, they also came for ‘respite care’ at least three times during the term. Each time they went home the words ‘I don’t want to go home’ echoed in my head and I just sat and cried, feeling so desperately sad and helpless.

Apparently, each time they stayed here, David would really go for them when they arrived home. He had never been married or had children of his own and he didn’t want them or like them being around.

I took notes of what the children told us in case these were ever needed. David would say things to Jack and Sophie like ‘tell anyone and I will rip your head off’, ‘I will rip out your throat’ or ‘if I had my way I would throw you under a bus’. He has at times turned on our daughter, too – not physically yet, but he has certainly been verbally abusive. The children become so scared for their mother they ring us and we head to their house wondering what we will find when we get there.

Generally Sarah is furious that the children have rung us and so, once again, the problems are all their fault. It is so hard for us as her parents to try to understand what is going on in her head, let alone why she stays with David.

All this heartbreak, tears, anxiety and desperation came to a head one day in 2015 when we received a call from the school counsellor asking us to come to the school as the grandchildren were too frightened to go home. We were asked whether we would take care of them. They stayed with us for eight months. After some months our granddaughter missed her mother and decided it was time to return home.

There are times when it is almost impossible to believe this has happened to our family.

* Names have been changed, however this story is a true account by a member of the LCA.

Domestic and family violence support
Call 000 if you, a child or another person is in immediate danger.
1800RESPECT – family violence & sexual assault counselling 1800 737 732
Lifeline – crisis support for domestic abuse and family violence 131 114

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Neil* was a victim of domestic and family violence and abuse perpetrated by his wife for many years. He felt embarrassed and at times when he reached out for help, he wasn’t taken seriously because he was a man. He is grateful to God he now has a life without abuse and can focus on blessings rather than bitterness.

I went to my first domestic violence seminar. They showed a video, and I was shocked. My wife did worse things to me at home.

We went into small groups and we were supposed to share. So I tried to talk about what was happening to me. The group leader pointed her finger at me, and said, ‘If you treated your wife right, she wouldn’t have to hit you!’. It was as though, because I’m a man, my wife couldn’t really hurt me – that domestic and family violence is only perpetrated by men. That was not my experience. I felt like I didn’t exist.

Not long after that, my wife tried to stab me with a butcher’s knife. I grabbed her wrist and squeezed until she dropped the knife. She held up her hand and said, ‘I could go to a shelter, and tell them you are abusing me! You’ll never see your children again’. I thought, ‘She’s right. No one at a shelter is going to ask if she is the violent one. If I want to protect our children, I am going to have to be very careful what I do’.

When I met Andrea, it was love at first sight. I knew she had pain in her life from broken family relationships, but I was committed to loving and protecting her.

We had our first big fight packing up after the wedding and, when we unpacked our things at our new house, Andrea got angry, said she hated me and stormed out.

I was stunned. We’d only just been married. A few days later, she threw plates at me, which broke against the wall.

I soon learnt to walk on eggshells. When I was very careful, Andrea didn’t yell.

We started a family. Andrea enjoyed the attention she received while she was pregnant and she was happy taking care of the children while they were babies. Once they were no longer babies, she wanted another child. We had a large family.

As the children grew up, they also felt the brunt of their mother’s angry outbursts.

Andrea threatened to leave me repeatedly and sex was used as a bargaining chip to get what she wanted. She verbally abused me and criticised my every attempt to help around the house.

She controlled me physically, emotionally, socially and financially. She knew my old wounds and how to hurt me.

We went to counselling and I tried many things to see whether we could restore the love and happiness to our relationship. But nothing worked – not romantic notes, special dinners, picnics, weekends away, nothing.

One day she started hitting me and cursing me. She did not really hurt me physically, but I shook inwardly for days. I decided I would never let her hit me again, which was an important step in my journey. And she never did.

I was tired of walking on eggshells. I was tired of having to be vigilant to protect my children from their mother’s tirades. I was tired of being in a relationship with no love.

But when, after more than 30 years of marriage, my wife and I separated and ultimately divorced, I found I was attracted to other controlling women. I decided I needed to change, so I could get into a healthy relationship.

By God’s grace I have remarried – to a woman who does not seek to control my every move.

I had to realise that, while I have many faults, I am a worthwhile person, loved and forgiven by God, and should be treated with respect like anyone else.

I refuse to hate my ex-wife. She is the mother of my children.

I refuse to live in bitterness. I am often tempted to dwell on the past, but if I choose to live in bitterness, that pain will control the rest of my life.

Instead, I focus on my many blessings. One is that I know God promises everything works together for good to those who love him.

* Names and other identifying details have been changed, however this story is a true account by a member of the LCA.

MensLine Australia is the national telephone and online support, information and referral service for men with family and relationship concerns. It offers specialist support for men who use or experience family and domestic violence.
Call 1300 789 978 or go to https://mensline.org.au

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Five centuries after the Reformation, how do the Lutheran and Catholic churches get along today? What has been achieved by working together since inter-church dialogue between the two began in Australia in the mid–1970s? We asked the dialogue team’s Lutheran and Catholic co-chairs – Rev Dr Stephen Hultgren, from Australian Lutheran College, and Rev Dr Gerard Kelly, of the Catholic Institute of Sydney – for their thoughts.

What has changed in the relationship between the two churches in Australia?

Rev Dr Gerard Kelly: The major change has been that we have moved from a situation of suspicion and hostility to one of friendliness. Rather than focus on what divides us, we are now more aware of what unites us. This becomes the starting point for engagement with each other.

There is much more contact than previously between members of our churches at all levels. There is a greater sense of trust of each other and a willingness to work together in addressing significant social issues. Our two churches have also grown in mutual understanding.

What have been the major achievements since dialogue began?

Rev Dr Stephen Hultgren: The dialogue has covered a number of important topics, including baptism, Eucharist (the Lord’s supper), the ministry, the church, justification, the ministry of oversight (bishops), Scripture and tradition, and the papacy (Petrine ministry).

Undoubtedly the most noteworthy milestone in the dialogue has been on the topic of justification. The Common Statement on Justification in 1999 stated: ‘Lutherans and Roman Catholics together see justification as God’s free and saving action in Christ whereby our sin is forgiven and we are both declared and made righteous. Together we confess that it is solely by grace and through faith that we are justified and not through our own merits. Together we say that justification cannot be separated from regeneration, sanctification, and the renewal of our hearts by the Holy Spirit. Together we affirm that justification, or salvation in Christ, is central and normative to our Christian faith’. This statement barely preceded the 1999 signing of the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of Justification by the Lutheran World Federation and the Roman Catholic Church.

Ecumenical dialogue takes hard work, patience, and a spirit of goodwill towards the dialogue partner. The dialogue in Australia has borne good fruit, and we pray for God’s continued blessing on this endeavour, so that, as Jesus prayed, his followers might be one (John 17:21).

GK: The body of work produced by the dialogue is a remarkable achievement. Matters that were at the heart of the division of the 16th century are now seen in a different light. Sometimes we have cleared up misunderstandings. But more importantly, we recognise that both our churches have continued the process of reform and renewal, and this means that we address those divisive questions in a new way.

A further achievement is that the dialogue has not simply remained the preserve of a small group of theologians. The results have been slowly filtering down into church life more broadly. For example, I as a Catholic have a much deeper appreciation of the doctrine of justification and have become more aware of the place it has in my own church.

At another level, the results of the dialogue have also been able to play a role in helping our respective churches make decisions about the internal life of the church. This is what people today call ‘receptive ecumenism’ – we learn from each other.
There is one other achievement I should mention: we are now able to be frank with each when the relationship between our churches runs into difficulties. This is possible because there are genuine friendships among us.

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