by Rob Edwards

A taste of heaven. That’s what I believe the Christian community will experience again this Easter at Rockhampton in Queensland, about 600 kilometres north of Brisbane.

When we get to heaven, we will gather together with all of the saints around the throne and worship the King. This is really something to look forward to: no divisions, no hatred; complete unity, pure love, holy togetherness.

But every now and then, you come across something heavenly on earth, a little taste of the glory to come.

That’s how Easter has been for us for the past two years at Rockhampton – a little taste of heaven. It sounds difficult – in fact, I said it would never work!

Despite my view, the idea of a combined churches’ Easter celebration was proposed for Easter Sunday morning. The idea was cooked up by members of the Rockhampton ecumenical ministers’ fellowship.

The church ministers in Rockhampton gather for lunch once a month. We pray together and each of us has the opportunity to share our highs and lows of ministry. We have been intentionally working on much closer relationships between ministers and our churches. As a result of this trust and friendship, the idea bubbled to the surface that we needed to do something big. Something that would say to the community, ‘this is important, something worth taking notice of!’ And so the idea of a combined Easter service was born.

The problems were obvious. Who would want to give up their Easter service to join with other churches?

But we first gave it a go in 2016.

There were the obvious challenges. What would we do about holy communion? And, what about giving up our own individual services? How would we make sure everyone got to know about it?

But the chance of potential for good was far too evident to let it go by without giving it our best shot. So we, Calvary Lutheran Church in Rockhampton, decided that we were in. The Lutherans would be a part of it.

It actually wasn’t too difficult once we set our minds to it. We started the day with a barbecue breakfast, then held a short holy communion service at 8.30am in our own church. We moved on to the local Baptist church ready to begin the main worship service at 9.30am. The effort was well worth it, and the mild inconvenience was swamped by the excitement and sense of celebration.

The result? Five churches officially took part and about 850 people got together for worship, with musicians, choir, readers and preachers, all from different churches celebrating in a way that would shake the town. Overall, there were Church of Christ, Baptist, Lutheran, Catholic, Brethren, Peace Christian Church, Assemblies Of God, Covenant Church and Anglican representatives, and possibly a few Uniting Church members as well.

The vibrant and jubilant worship service went for 90 minutes and, when it was over, people mingled, and shared morning tea and fellowship together. Some discovered for the first time that their dentist, their pharmacist, or others in their community whom they deal with on a daily basis, worshipped the same God, though maybe in a slightly different way, and they were part of the same Christian family.

Pastor Rob Edwards is Parish Pastor for Rockhampton Queensland, including Calvary Lutheran Church Rockhampton and Yeppoon Living Waters Fellowship.

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Pastor Simon Cooper is a chaplain to two contrasting communities. In his ‘day job’, as School Pastor to students at Good Shepherd Lutheran College, Noosa in Queensland, it is his role to preach the gospel to children and teenagers. As a part-time Navy Reserve Chaplain, the demographic he works with and his responsibilities are markedly different. But, he says, one common denominator of both ministries is hope.

by Simon Cooper

One of the most fulfilling things about working in defence chaplaincy is that you can bring hope to people who feel there isn’t much hope. And that goes for my school ministry as well.

A ministry of care and wellbeing is a priority in both arenas. We see this in Jesus’ ministry. He healed people, calmed them, advocated for them, had compassion on them. In my two roles that means being pro-active in caring for each member, but also responding when crises arise.

If I didn’t love school chaplaincy so much, I would certainly consider full-time defence chaplaincy. It is a real privilege and joy to pray for and with service personnel, to represent our Saviour in word and deed, and to teach ethics and character development.

I’ve been serving in the Navy Reserve as Chaplain for nine years but my interest goes back decades. I served for four years in the Army Reserves before entering the ministry. Two of these years were full–time in the Australian Army Survey Corps, which combined a love for drawing and geography.

Years later after realising my call to the ministry, I reflected back on my Army days with good memories of the camaraderie and the physical challenges. So, I married these two ideas of ministry and military.

Reserve Chaplains must be members of the Navy Reserves – and that means going through the same training as other Reservists. Two full-time two-week courses cover areas including Navy history, leadership, first aid, sea survival, small arms training, and other military skills. Then there are essays and assignments.

There are also annual professional requirements to remain compliant. Reservist Chaplains are required to serve at least 20 days a year.

I moved to Queensland in mid-2017 to take up a call to Good Shepherd and my Navy service here is still being formalised. But, while I was pastor at Luther College in suburban Melbourne from 2009 to 2017, I was based at HMAS Cerberus in Victoria.

Chaplaincy duties include making hospital visits on- or off-base, and conducting baptisms, weddings and funerals. And I would try to join in with sporting events or training exercises, to get alongside others and keep fit. Pastoral care and counselling are required daily. It amazes me that, in such a secular age, chaplains still have people knock on our doors and want to chat. But in such a regimented, high-pressure world, often far from home and family, defence force members need a safe place to ‘vent’. They need someone who is approachable, trustworthy and ready to listen.

Military life can awaken an awareness of life, death and matters of the soul. While we don’t usually share the gospel up-front, we can assure them of their value and dignity as human beings, support and encourage them, and help them access resources.

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by Darren Jaensch

Members of the defence forces often compromise their own comfort and safety in seeking to protect the freedoms we as Australians and New Zealanders enjoy.

Those who have faith need to be supported and ministered to, especially when they are isolated from their home church or religious community. Others may become open to faith and spiritual growth when confronted with alternative realities or removed from their usual supports.

Defence chaplains provide pastoral, spiritual and religious support to people (souls) in this context. Chaplains also advocate for the powerless and speak an alternative and fearless voice to commanders.

Chaplains educate and influence commanders and troops alike in the reality of the spiritual dimension to life, moral consequences, the importance of character and faith, and compassion in the sacred encounters of life. And, often, our very presence is a simple reminder of the reality of the transcendent.

Since recently taking on the role of Director General Chaplaincy – Army, I have been responsible to the Chief of Army for overseeing the management of 71 full-time and roughly 100 part-time chaplains from Christian denominations and other faiths. I also am required to oversee the recruitment, training and resourcing of chaplains, their support to Australian Defence Force operations, and the provision of pastoral, spiritual and religious support to the Army workforce. My focus includes setting a vision and direction for Army chaplaincy, and shaping its culture and ethos.

Concurrently, I assume the role of Principal Chaplain Protestant Denominations, which means I exercise oversight and care of all Protestant chaplains in Army. I represent them in posting considerations, monitor denominational accountability, advise on suitability for Army chaplaincy, and advise Army commanders on Protestant matters.

I have a great team of senior chaplains and strive to harness their enthusiasm and giftings, as they develop as leaders in chaplaincy.

However, this role has been a world away – both figuratively and, at times, literally – from the realm of service and work I expected to be a part of when I began studying for ministry in the LCA.

I was a parish pastor for six years in Queensland and Northern Territory from 1994. But God was already leading me towards my present role even before I was ordained. In 1992, while I was on vicarage, Pastor Ken Schmidt talked to me about the possibility of Army chaplaincy in the future. He could see something I couldn’t, and I distinctly remember laughing at the suggestion. Ken (and God) had the last laugh! In 1998 I served a parish that had a number of Defence members in the congregation. In an effort to understand their world and, in response to approaches from local chaplains and advice from the previous pastor, David Spike, I agreed to support the Army in
part-time (Reserve) chaplaincy.

I liked it, it liked me, and two years later, the opportunity to serve full-time presented. I discerned a calling to that ministry and the LCA agreed to release me to represent the church in that mission context.

It is a specialised ministry and not everyone’s cup of tea, nor is everyone suited to it. But I find fulfilment in knowing that I am able to ply my ministry gifting in a context that also contributes to our national security.

I find joy in engaging with clergy and faith group leaders from other denominations and even faith groups, and working together with them as colleagues.

Defence chaplains can find themselves in a wide variety of situations, which can be both invigorating and frightening. Not many people get paid to visit unfamiliar parts of the world or to jump out of perfectly serviceable aeroplanes! But mostly, there is both challenge and fulfilment in engaging with a flock which is largely unchurched and yet working in fields in which members necessarily encounter issues with spiritual and eternal relevance.

There is joy in enabling them to find a vocabulary for that experience, and to lead them into the reality of the divine and a faith journey. Most of what we do as chaplains might be termed ‘pre-evangelism’, sowing seeds perhaps. Occasionally we get to see that seed germinate. There are inevitable domestic, personal and philosophical ‘rub points’ in defence chaplaincy. Army service can take you to more remote parts of the country, away from family support.

There is inherent danger in the role, too, both on overseas operations and in training exercises. And you can face physically challenging and uncomfortable working and living environments.

Defence service means signing up to be where the troops are. Sometimes that means involvement in military actions that chaplains – and other members – feel conflicted about. These issues need to be philosophically worked through by clergy who seek to minister in this context and play their part in serving the people of Australia and defending the nation’s interests.

Chaplains are not permitted to proselytise, and are expected to remain respectful in encouraging and providing support to folk of faith in their existing spiritual or religious journeys. So there is no ‘Bible bashing’.

St Francis of Assisi is erroneously quoted as saying, ‘Preach the gospel. If necessary, use words’. This sentiment, however, is a reality for chaplains. Our actions and care often preach a clearer gospel than our spoken words.

And we have opportunity to share our personal faith, respectfully and appropriately, in pastoral counselling encounters; in character-training lessons; in quiet conversations at 3.00am on piquet in the gun pit; and in conversations that follow when members face morally and spiritually confronting situations, including the taking of life, the death of mates and their own thin grasp on life.

Even a prayer or blessing, given in response to a superstitious or talismanic request, is an opportunity to introduce people to the Lord of Life.

Pastor Darren Jaensch is the Australian Army’s Director General Chaplaincy.

The LCA needs good people to fly the flag for the church in defence chaplaincy. If you are a pastor and believe you have a gifting for this ministry, or if you believe your pastor would be well suited, the Secretary of the Church, Pastor Neville Otto, would love to hear from you at neville.otto@lca.og.au.

Part-time chaplains are given training and ministry exposure that can significantly enhance their effectiveness in parish and other LCA ministries. Likewise, if you know of women and men in ministry in other churches who might be suited, please contact Pastor Darren Jaensch at darren.jaensch@defence.gov.au

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by Adam McKay

Fifteen years ago I was a horticulturalist by trade and I had my own business – called Adam the First Gardener. I enjoyed my work and I also loved riding my bike, so I would ride to work every day. I used to pull 250 kilos of horticulture tools behind my pushbike!

I was subcontracting on the annexes at the Australian War Memorial in Canberra. Then on 15 January 2003, I was hit by a car on my way to work.

My life and dreams were shattered. I was in a coma for eight days. I had full memory loss, an internal head injury and a knee injury. I had to rebuild my whole life. I had to learn who I was again. They had to teach me how to use my hands again, how to build up my strength, my balance, everything. It was very frustrating.

I was in a wheelchair and people didn’t think I would walk again. I had always had a hot temper and I was starting to show my anger in hospital. I was angry at the driver who hit me. I know now that I was angry at myself, too.

When someone at the hospital mentioned that I was angry, I said I wanted to be left alone, so they wheeled me over to a corner. But I was really ‘agro’ and I punched out a brick from a double-brick wall!

I think that probably scared some people at the hospital – you wouldn’t expect that much strength from someone in a wheelchair.

But when I pounded the wall out, I think that was the first step to forgiveness.

I told the staff I needed Christians around me and they found five other Christians, who came and prayed for me. Someone said to me afterwards that I’d have to forgive the driver. But it’s hard to forgive, because it’s not our human nature – it’s God’s nature to forgive.

I had to take it step-by-step and work on it with God’s help and my family’s help and a lot of counselling. I was still in my wheelchair but as soon as I forgave the driver, things started happening.

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These six pastoral ministry graduates from Australian Lutheran College come from a wide variety of backgrounds and are stepping out in faith to begin their first assignments in 2018.

Darryl Shoesmith
Age: 60
Family: Wife Shirley and three adult married children and four grandchildren
Home congregation: Good Shepherd, Toowoomba Qld
Assigned to: Christchurch NZ

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? Grandparents and older adult friends

Who are the most influential people now? Shirley and close friends

What did you do before you went to Australian Lutheran College (ALC)? Retired after selling firearms retail business, undertook various property renovations, travelled

Joseph Graham
Age: 24
Home congregation: St John’s, Bundaberg Qld
Assigned to: Dubbo–Gilgandra NSW

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? My dad, Pastor Greg Graham

Who are the most influential people now? Family and friends

What did you do before you went to ALC? I worked in a bakery for one year out of school, and coached rowing for Bundaberg State High School’s club (Qld). The following year I studied chemistry, philosophy and Japanese at the University of Queensland in Brisbane.

Roelof Buitendag
Age: 37
Family: Wife Bec, children Jax and Ellie
Home congregation: Mount Gravatt Qld
Assigned to: Ipswich Lutheran Parish Qld

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? My parents and grandmother, an older kid who made Jesus look awesome, and my youth pastor Stephen Parker

Who are the most influential people now? Authors/pastors John Piper, Tim Keller and Francis Chan; Pastor Fraser Pearce (my vicarage supervisor) and (LCA Church Planting Mentor and Mission Facilitator) Dean Eaton

What did you do before you went to ALC? Studied psychology and exercise science, then worked as a sleep scientist

Tim Castle-Schmidt
Age: 46
Family: Wife Fiona and daughter Miranda
Home congregation: Morphett Vale SA
Assigned to: SA/NT District

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? My family, although others contributed, especially my church family at St Stephen’s, Adelaide

Who are the most influential people for you now? Fiona, of course, has a high degree of influence, but I really don’t feel beholden to anyone.

What did you do before you went to ALC? After university, I taught in Lutheran schools in Queensland, WA and SA. While studying I had various jobs, including running the old Adelaide pie carts, fruit picking and taxi driving.

Matthew Huckel
Age: 42
Family: Wife Sal and children Benjamin, Jonah, Zachary, Tabitha, Philippa and Grace
Assigned to: Pasadena SA

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? My parents helped in the development of my faith; close friends helped grow my faith; globetrotters gave me courage to travel – without them I would not have met Sal

Who are the most influential people now? My wife and family. Being a father and husband has taught me about the care of God’s people. My vicarage supervisor Pastor Adrian Kitson and ALC lecturers have opened up many treasures in Lutheran theology.

What did you do before you went to ALC? I worked as a clinical music therapist in mental health, aged care, and other fields in England and Australia.

Peter Heintze
Family: Wife Dr Sharon Gierus and children Baxter and Ella
Home congregation: Holy Cross, Murray Bridge SA
Assigned to: Coonalpyn SA

Who were the most influential people in your life growing up? My parents, Dennis and Lois Heintze, who constantly encouraged me in the faith

Who are the most influential people now? My wife Sharon, my brother-in-law Pastor Steve Hibbard, and my wife’s grandmother Myrtle Heidenreich

What did you do before you went to ALC? I was a farmer for 20 years, growing wheat, breeding merino sheep, and involved in egg production. I then worked as a groundsman and tutor at a school on an Aboriginal community and as a sample processor for a mining company, both in the Northern Territory. I also worked for the government in weed eradication and water compliance, while running my own cleaning business in South Australia.

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In Matthew 18:21 Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother when he sins against him. Jesus’s answer, according to many Bible translations, is 70 times seven.

In reality, I have forgiven my ex-husband more than 490 times but I still have a long way to go. I still harbour anger against him for betraying me and breaking up our family.

It is easy to say ‘I forgive’, but it is so much harder to actually mean it.

In late November 2009 my husband announced out of the blue that he wanted to end our marriage of 17 years. I had not anticipated this as we had not been fighting and were in the process of building our dream house together.

It was even more of a shock when I discovered pictures of him and another woman on Facebook, and intercepted a mobile phone bill that contained hundreds of texts and calls to one particular number.

He denied having an affair to me, my sister and my mother. It was only at a marriage counselling session that he finally admitted that was the reason he wanted out of our relationship. He was only going through the motions of counselling – not to save our marriage but so ‘I would get over him better’.

He moved out and my life spiralled into a black hole of despair. Our pre-teen children were confused and scared by what was going on.

I couldn’t eat or sleep, cried constantly and contemplated ending my life. But God had other plans. A phone call to someone who had gone through a similar marriage breakdown made me realise I had a lot to live for – my children needed me. And they were going through their own grief, anger and pain.

God led me to three women who I now consider my best friends. My KYB (Know Your Bible) group prayed with and for me and shared their stories of forgiveness. I remember sitting in my bed praying for guidance.

I was flicking through my Bible and suddenly passages leapt off the pages. I wrote the verses down and even today they still resonate, particularly Proverbs 6:32 –
‘A man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself’. Because my ex-husband was not a Christian, 1 Corinthians 7:13,15 also spoke to me: ‘And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.’ There were uplifting texts, too, such as Philippians 4:13 – ‘I can do all this through him who gives me strength’.

These and other verses reminded me that I was not alone, that God was with me, and that ultimately he would deal with my ex-husband in his own way and time. My faith was something I clung to as I sought help to cope with my feelings of despair. Forgiveness was something both my pastor and counsellor talked to me about.

But how do you forgive someone who has broken what I believe is a sacred vow of marriage, who has lied to your face, told you they don’t love you, that they need a change and you now mean nothing to them?

The author’s name has been withheld, however this is a true account by a member of the LCA.

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by Julie Slaghekke

This year the Longest Lutheran Lunch celebration coincided with the 500th anniversary of the Reformation. Almost 150 congregations from all over Australia and New Zealand, as well as Canada, welcomed family and friends to their Longest Lutheran Lunch (LLLu) events.

While dates, times, styles and themes differed, the intent was constant: inviting people to share in God’s goodness through worship, fellowship and a meal; honouring the culture and heritage of the LCA/NZ and the legacy of Luther; offering an inclusive, intergenerational event; and connecting as many people as possible. Event organisers were creative, committed and contrasting in their approaches.

In Auckland, New Zealand, Mountainside Lutheran members chose to share God’s blessings with those in need. Rather than hosting a lunch, they packed food into containers with a personal message and tract or bookmark, then took them to Auckland City Mission.

Mighty rain trees in the garden of St Paul’s Lutheran Parish Townsville, in Far North Queensland, shaded more than 50 lunchgoers. Joined by members from nearby Ingham and Ayr, Townsville celebrated the church’s birthday with a shared meal and birthday cake.

At North Adelaide, South Australia, members and guests were joined for lunch by ‘Martin’, who resides at the church.

At Walla Walla, New South Wales, a progressive lunch followed a service led by the local youth. After soup served in the spring sunshine, the meal moved to two venues for mains and two for sweets and socialising.

Staff, students and friends of Redeemer Lutheran School, Nuriootpa, in South Australia, provided a beautiful demonstration of intergenerational mission. Women from their supporting Lutheran congregations made more than 400 cupcakes for students to enjoy. Students also commemorated the Reformation anniversary by forming
a big ‘500’ on the school oval.

This is what the Longest Lutheran Lunch is all about – celebrating the unity that comes from who we are in Jesus and sharing that with people in our community, no matter what their age, culture or denomination.

Julie Slaghekke is Coordinator for the 2017 Longest Lutheran Lunch.

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Zion Lutheran Church Gnadenberg, in South Australia’s Barossa Valley, is a little church with a big heart.

The congregation of 32, which is part of the Angaston Parish, has never had an LCA pastor come out of its ranks. So, about 20 years ago, Zion members decided to offer some support to a pastoral ministry student during his studies.

Since that time, Gnadenberg in Moculta has supported four Australian Lutheran College (ALC) – formerly Luther Seminary – students through their journey to become pastors. With a little help from their friends at Zion, pastors Keith McNicol, Greg Fowler, Tim Ebbs and Geoff Schefe have graduated, been ordained and begun serving the church in parish ministry.

Since last year, Gnadenberg has given its backing to second-year ALC student Chris Johnson.

Zion chairperson Andrew Koch says in each case the congregation had sought ALC’s recommendation of a student who wasn’t local and would benefit from having another ‘family’ behind them.

‘We’re just trying to help particularly a student that has come from further afield, doesn’t have any family living close by and who is missing that local support’, Andrew says of the project which has contributed around $12,500 in monetary gifts toward student expenses over the years.

‘It’s not only financial support – it’s also prayer support and we try to have them up a few times a year engaging with different members of the congregation, so that by the end of their course they feel at home with the congregation and we feel at home with them. It’s also about friendship, mentorship and all of those sorts of things.’

And Chris Johnson is from about as far ‘further afield’ as you could get, hailing from Walla Walla, in Washington State in the United States. He doesn’t have Lutheran church heritage from the US; his Lutheran origins are within the LCA, since moving to Australia in 2005.

Gnadenberg raises funds for what members call ‘sem student support’ through an annual auction following a winery church service and lunch at Henschke Cellars in nearby Keyneton. The Henschke family are members at Gnadenberg.

The winery service and lunch began 27 years ago as an outreach of the congregation, looking to attract people who wouldn’t normally go to church.

After the auction idea was born, it became a natural link to supporting future pastors.

Each family from Gnadenberg is asked to donate an item, with visitors often contributing, too.

Chris has attended the past two winery services and auctions with his wife Melissa Juergensen. He has spoken to the gatherings as part of his connection with the congregation, and says Gnadenberg’s gesture of support is incredibly moving.

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by Reid Matthias

I went fishing with Santa.

During my first week at Para Vista Lutheran Church in suburban Adelaide, Verne approached me and stuck out his hand. I shook it and enjoyed the eerie visage that greeted me. Verne peered at me from behind bifocals that made his eyes look bigger than they really were.

As he spoke, the hairs of his moustache blew out in little puffs, like cotton balls tossed in a light, spring breeze, and his beard hung raggedly white on the chest of his shirt.

‘Do you like to fish?’, he asked, his voice gravelly but mirthful.

I stared up at him, to the top of his head, which looked like the snow-encrusted peak El Capitan, in Yosemite National Park. Verne is about six feet four inches tall (193cm) and I would have guessed from his appearance that he would more likely fit in handing out presents with elves than holding a fishing rod.

‘Do I like to fish?’, I repeated as if this was a silly question. ‘Don’t all disciples like to fish?’ Weird Christian jokes fail sometimes and I think Verne was wanting to take back his question.

‘I’ll take that as a “yes”.’ He was still smiling. ‘How about we go out fishing and I’ll show you how to catch blueys’, he responded, using the local lingo for blue swimmer crabs.

I rolled out of bed at 5.00am after a restless night. Because I was excited to get out on the water for the first time, I woke up before my alarm, dressed in my fishing clothes, grabbed my hat, a few morsels for lunch and headed off. When I arrived at Verne’s house, he was outside waiting for me. He was looking at his watch. He looked like St Nicholas stamping his foot for the last of the toys to be loaded into the sleigh.

I got into his truck and we headed off. After some small talk, he told me about some of his fishing adventures and what made him tick.

‘So, you see’, he started, his voice echoing above the classical music in the background (I had expected Waylon Jennings or Johnny Cash), ‘I don’t wear my teeth when I go fishing anymore. One time I got seasick, and I berleyed the water and my choppers ended up with some shark, I’m sure.’ In other words, he puked his teeth out. I bet that was an amazing visual experience for the others in the boat.

‘Wait, so you get seasick?’

‘Yup’, he responded proudly, ‘but I take the tablets and I wear a little wrist thing.’ I thought this was one of those jokes Australians play on me as an expat American.

‘And, here’s the other funny thing – I’m allergic to shellfish. Can’t eat them. Makes me sick. Allergies and things.’ I looked over to see if he was serious, but his eyes were staring straight ahead into the road.

I had to formulate my thoughts: I’m going fishing with a toothless, shellfish–intolerant, seasick fisherman. This is awesome!

‘What do you do with the crabs when you catch them?’, I asked.

‘I give them away. They’re worth about $35 a kilogram. There are always people who are willing to take them and eat them. Giving them away makes me very happy.’

Pastor Reid Matthias is Parish Team Pastor at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church, Para Vista SA.

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Living with family or domestic violence can have a profound and traumatic effect on children – and some even bear the brunt of the abuse themselves. Jane* and her husband Mal were shocked to discover that their grandchildren were being abused at home. She shares the heartache and feelings of helplessness they experienced and also her belief that God’s love can bring hope for healing and a happier future.

‘I don’t want to go home.’

Those words still haunt me today. I can still hear them as our two grandchildren went out the door of our ‘safe’ house to return home to a house of abuse.

Our daughter Sarah married an alcoholic. Michael, her husband and the children’s father, was abusive particularly to our grandson. After 10 years of living dominated by physical abuse of both Sarah and the children, the marriage ended.

We were not aware how much trauma occurred during those years, as our daughter worked really hard at projecting to us that everything was okay at home.
I remember one Christmas Eve service at our church. Our entire family always attended. This particular year they turned up and I thought the children looked rather scruffy and unkempt. Only later did I realise Sarah had been working and Michael was supposed to organise the children. It would have been so much easier for her to just say they were not coming, but they came only because of her determination and perseverance to keep up a normal life.

All this makes what happened in the following years so much harder to comprehend.

David moved in soon after Michael moved out. We were not aware of this until some months later. At this stage our grandson Jack was 8 years old and our granddaughter Sophie was 6. David attended all our family get-togethers and was accepted as part of the family. At no time did our grandchildren even hint to us that there was a problem and, of course, our daughter didn’t suggest there was anything untoward going on.

Thinking back I realise that often when I rang Sarah our conversation had to be suspended because of crying and screaming in the background. That was when David attacked Jack and Sophie. Whenever Sarah had a shower or wasn’t nearby, the ‘hero’ went for the children. They were warned not to say anything or worse would follow.

About two years after David moved in, we arranged to pick up the grandchildren from school each Wednesday. We helped them with homework and stayed until Sarah came home from work. This was when we realised something was wrong. Once David arrived home before Sarah, and Sophie, with a frightened look on her face, asked ‘Could you please stay a while?’. On another occasion Jack asked the same thing.

It was a mind-numbing shock to find out what was really happening in that house. Jack was repeatedly hit and forced into his room. Most of the time it was when Sarah was not there. Jack would break down and cry. Sophie’s way of coping was to keep out of David’s way and not stick up for Jack who was constantly receiving all the abuse. They were such sad, unhappy little children.

My husband and I decided to discuss the situation with Sarah. We told her what the children had told us, how David was hitting them, how he had such a violent temper, used foul language, and how he loved to frighten them. We also told her we thought he had mental health problems which needed checking by a doctor. It was the worst thing we could have done.

Sarah told David and the situation got much worse for Jack and Sophie. It became obvious then that for Sarah, David staying was the priority over the needs of the children. From then on, if we asked whether we should say something to their mother, they begged us not to. Such was the fear he generated in them.

We started having the children stay with us more often. Not only did they stay during all the holidays, they also came for ‘respite care’ at least three times during the term. Each time they went home the words ‘I don’t want to go home’ echoed in my head and I just sat and cried, feeling so desperately sad and helpless.

Apparently, each time they stayed here, David would really go for them when they arrived home. He had never been married or had children of his own and he didn’t want them or like them being around.

I took notes of what the children told us in case these were ever needed. David would say things to Jack and Sophie like ‘tell anyone and I will rip your head off’, ‘I will rip out your throat’ or ‘if I had my way I would throw you under a bus’. He has at times turned on our daughter, too – not physically yet, but he has certainly been verbally abusive. The children become so scared for their mother they ring us and we head to their house wondering what we will find when we get there.

Generally Sarah is furious that the children have rung us and so, once again, the problems are all their fault. It is so hard for us as her parents to try to understand what is going on in her head, let alone why she stays with David.

All this heartbreak, tears, anxiety and desperation came to a head one day in 2015 when we received a call from the school counsellor asking us to come to the school as the grandchildren were too frightened to go home. We were asked whether we would take care of them. They stayed with us for eight months. After some months our granddaughter missed her mother and decided it was time to return home.

There are times when it is almost impossible to believe this has happened to our family.

* Names have been changed, however this story is a true account by a member of the LCA.

Domestic and family violence support
Call 000 if you, a child or another person is in immediate danger.
1800RESPECT – family violence & sexual assault counselling 1800 737 732
Lifeline – crisis support for domestic abuse and family violence 131 114

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